


Harley Quinn's Multiverse Adventure

by CinnamonStyx



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, The Multiversity (Comics)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, DC Animated Universe - Freeform, DC Comics Rebirth, Dimension Travel, Earth-11, Earth-18, Earth-29, Earth-32 - Freeform, Earth-44, Earth-8, F/F, F/M, Multiverse, New 52, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:16:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18564691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonStyx/pseuds/CinnamonStyx
Summary: The Harley Quinn of Earth-12 (The DCAU) is visited by the infamous imp known as Bat-Mite and whisked away on a universe-hopping adventure. All Harley wants is to go back to her world but Bat-Mite wants her to have the adventure of a lifetime. Now the two of them must navigate the DC Multiverse together; meeting parallel selves and traversing strange worlds along the way.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking into the current DC Multiverse and a lot of it sounds really interesting. I did not completely understand the plot to the Multiversity comics but I liked the concepts behind a lot of the alternate Earths and wanted to do something with them. So that's how we got here. Originally I had Superman in mind to be the protagonist. Then I changed it to Batman, then Supergirl, then Joker, and finally decided on Harley Quinn to be the lead character. Specifically, the DCAU Harley Quinn since that's my favourite version of the character (Although I do like some of her other interpretations). I feel like I might get certain details about the Earths in this story wrong (Because I again, Multiversity was a little confusing) but I'm gonna try my best anyway.

" _Me?!_ Give _you_ equal credit!? Ha! I don't think so!" the Joker marched towards Harley with a look on his face that seemed part angry, part amused.

"I just feel like ya take credit for too much stuff... We're a team..." Harley backed herself up against the cold brick wall of the abandoned comedy club her and the Joker were living out of. "I do a lotta stuff around here is all I'm saying… Maybe next time we burst into a bank or attack one of those charity gala's you could announce both of us instead of just you. That's a good start, right?"

The Joker broke out into his signature hyenalike laughter and put a hand against the wall Harley was backed into. "Oh Harley, it's so cute that you think we're equals. But really now, I'm Batsy's greatest rival and you're my ditzy sidekick. How do those even compare?" he paused for a moment to let Harley take in everything he'd said. "Now, tell me you're sorry."

"I'm sorry Puddin'..." Harley tried pushing herself into the wall some more.

"Good. Since I'm a charitable man I'm going to let you sleep on the couch tonight." the Joker turned himself around walked away from Harley.

Harley scrambled after the Joker. "The couch? But Mr. J, I like sleepin' with you. You keep me warm and the couch is all dirty and-" she stopped herself from speaking when she saw the Joker turn around and glare at her. "And I'll sleep on the couch like ya said..."

"That's a good girl." Joker looked away again, smiling. "Stop talking to that weed-lady, by the way. I think she's the one putting all this nonsense about us being equal in your head."

"But I like her." by this point Harley was looking down at the floor, too ashamed to look at Joker in the eye.

The Joker twirled back around again. "I am sick of you talking back to me. Your couch privileges are revoked too!"

"But Puddin'-"

"Now your floor-sleeping privileges are revoked!"

"Mr. J, can I please-"

"And now I want you out of here entirely!"

The next thing she knew, the Joker was pushing Harley towards the back of the comedy club and out the exit doors.

"C'mon Puddin, it's cold out there and it looks like it's gonna rain!" Harley protested.

"I don't care! I just want some peace and quiet in here for once!" Joker yelled back. With one final shove, Joker pushed Harley out of their hideout and into the back alley.

Turning herself over, Harley looked up into the pale face of the Joker. "Can I at least take Bud and Lou with me? They're gonna miss their mommy."

"No. Frankly Harley, the hyenas make better company than you sometimes." Joker slammed the door shut, leaving Harley Quinn alone in the dirty alleyway.

Harley sighed and picked herself up from the ground. "I'll show him… I'm gonna find a way to make him jealous… Somehow." she went down the alley towards the sidewalk. "Should probably go see Red. Then I can get some sleep first."

*******

The trek from the East Gotham comedy club Harley and Joker called home to the abandoned house on the outskirts of the city that Poison Ivy resided in was a long and unpleasant one. Despite the clouds threatening it, there was no rain that night. The lack of rain didn't improve Harley's mood though. By the time Harley was knocking on Ivy's door, she was cold and miserable.

After repeatedly tapping at the door for almost twenty seconds, it opened up with Poison Ivy on the other side. Ivy had gotten used to Harley unexpectedly showing up in the late hours of the night and had very little reaction to seeing her on her doorstep.

"Hey there, Red. Mind if I stay over for a little while? Me 'n Mr. J had a _teensy_ little argument." Harley made herself smile at Ivy.

"Sure, come on in. I'll make you some tea; grew the leaves myself." Ivy stepped to the side to make room in the entrance for Harley.

"That sounds great. Thanks." Harley entered Ivy's home and made her way over to the dining room.

Harley quietly sat at the dinner table thinking about where exactly her night went wrong while Ivy went to work brewing some tea. Eventually, Poison Ivy sat down in front of Harley and placed two mugs of warm herbal tea in front of them.

"That should warm you up." Ivy sipped on the tea while Harley blew on her beverage to cool it off. "So what happened this time, Harley?"

"He didn't like me sayin' that we should get equal credit in his Batman killing schemes." Harley explained. "Then he said he was kickin' me outta bed and it kinda just got worse from there." deeming her tea cool enough, Harley took a gulp of it. It burned her mouth a little, but after being exposed to the night air for so long it was almost a relief.

"I know it's a lost cause by this point but you need to start thinking of breaking things off with him." said Ivy. "I enjoy your spontaneous visits but I can't watch something so unhealthy go on."

"It's a little unhealthy, but we make it work. He's big sweetheart once you've lived with him for long enough. Just havin' an off night this time, really." Harley insisted.

"You know Harley, some people say that there's a perfect soulmate for everyone out there in the universe." Ivy remarked. "I personally don't believe in that emotional _human_ garbage but I think you might want to look for yours a little more. Just see if there's anyone else out there."

"I don't need ta search, I already found him." Harley took another large sip of tea.

Ivy exhaled in frustration. "I'm too tired to talk about this… It makes me upset. Let's just finish the tea and get you to bed. Where do you want to sleep? There's the couch, the recliner, my bed, and the guest bed. You're going to have to clear some stuff out of the guest room if you want to use that one though."

"I'll take the guest room, I'm sure it can't be too much work to clean it out."

After the last drops of tea had been drained away, Harley went over to Ivy's guest room which apparently had been converted into some kind of storage space since she was last there. She went straight to work clearing out anything blocking the bed off from her.

Harley picked up a large box of chemistry tools off the bed as Ivy came into the room to check on her.

"Hey there Harley, I brought you some sleep clothes." Ivy went over the bed and placed down an oversized T-shirt and a pair of sweatshorts.

"Thanks Red. I almost forgot about that." Harley placed the box down on the floor. "Good thing you remembered. This jester getup isn't too comfy to sleep in. Just a few more boxes and I should be ready for some shuteye."

"Be careful when you're putting this stuff away." Ivy advised. "There's some dangerous stuff in here."

"Like what?"

"I've been working on a new hallucinogenic poison. I know we're both immune, but it'll just be a real pain to clean up if it spills. So if you need help, let me know."

"Nah, I'll be fine." Harley made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "Thanks for offering."

"Well, I'm just down the hall if you need me." Ivy turned away and disappeared out through the door frame.

With Ivy gone, Harley went back to the task of clearing the bag, picking up another box. This one was mostly filled with books and papers but there was a vial of brown liquid with a cap on it resting on one of the books. However, Harley failed to notice that as she picked up the box.

"Where do I put you?" Harley looked around the room in search of a suitable place for the box. Before she had a chance to put down the box, the vial of unknown liquid rolled off its perch and hit the floor. The vial shattered, spilling its contents everywhere. Harley dropped the box she had been carrying in surprise.

"She told me this would happen…" Harley grumbled. "I'll get it in the morning. 'Least I won't be having any hallucinations." she bent down to pick up the box but stopped before she could even touch it when she heard a voice from behind her.

"Excuse me, do you need some help?" a squeaky voice made itself known from behind Harley.

"Yeah Red, I actually-" Harley froze when she realized that the voice behind her did not belong to Poison Ivy. Slowly, she turned herself around and saw someone, or perhaps something, she never would quite be able to unsee.

It was a short man, no taller than a child, dressed up in what appeared to be some kind of home-stitched Batman costume. A poorly made Batman costume at that. The ears drooped, the boots and gloves were too big, and the bat-symbol on the chest was horribly misshapen. The person appeared to be floating in the cloud of fumes that had been released into the room. Harley stared at the being in absolute dumbstruck confusion as it spoke some more.

"My name is Bat-Mite! Fifth-dimensional imp and Batman's biggest fan!" the creature announced.

Harley's brain raced to figure out what the hell she was seeing. Her first thought was that somehow the formula Ivy concocted was potent enough to override her immunity and she was having some kind of vivid hallucination. Ignoring the apparent imp, Harley dashed out of the room and down the hall.

"Red! I spilled your pollen and it's messin' with my brain! Can you please help me?!" Harley pushed open the door only to freeze up upon entry. Inside the room Ivy was stuck in place, watering a bedside flower pot. She didn't appear to be moving or even breathing. The water coming from the watering can was suspended in mid-pour as well. And floating in front of her friend was the thing from her bedroom.

"I feel like we got off on the wrong foot." the entity calling itself Bat-Mite remarked. "Let's start over. Hello, my name is Bat-Mite. I've travelled through time and space to find you. Didn't take as long as you'd think."

"Are you real? What did ya do to Ivy?" asked Harley.

"I'm just as real as you are, Harley. And don't worry about her, I just paused her. I thought we could talk." Bat-Mite said.

"I don't understand, what's goin' on?" Harley grew increasingly confused and worried about the situation.

"You see, I love all things Batman. And that includes his most fearsome foes, like you." explained Bat-Mite. "I go around and spy on his greatest adventures. And sometimes I show up and mess with him. Spice up his life. But he doesn't like that."

Harley stared at the imp in front of her with her mouth agape. She'd seen some pretty bizarre stuff before but this was beginning to push her limits. She stayed silent in hopes that something Bat-Mite said would make sense.

"I've decided I wanted to mess with someone new. The Batmen of the Multiverse are getting too good at countering my trickery." Bat-Mite went on. "You and the Joker are having troubles, right Harley?"

"Every couple has problems." Harley replied, almost automatically

"Pay attention Harley, this is where most people get confused. Your reality isn't the only one that exists. There are fifty-two universes out there and you're living in just one of them. So, I'm willing to give you a guided tour of the Multiverse so you can see the different versions of your very own Mr. J. How does that sound?"

By this point, Harley felt like she had some understanding of what was going on and she tried to respond. "Okay… Let's say you ain't some figment of my imagination. Why are you doing this? Why me?"

"Well, I'm bored with bothering Batman so I thought I'd try having adventures with some of his villains." Bat-Mite said. "And as for you specifically, Harley Quinn is one of Batman's most popular enemies. I thought it would be fun."

"Popular? I'm a wanted criminal." Harley pointed out.

"Well, not popular here. You wouldn't believe me if I explained it." Bat-Mite told her. "Anyway, you are what I like the call Harley Quinn Prime. The first known instance of Harleen Quinzel existing in the Multiverse was on this very Earth. So, I figured you'd be the best Harley to take on a little trip."

Harley observed Bat-Mite, looking over him with much scrutiny. "Okay… This is real… I ain't creative enough to think up any of this stuff myself."

"Good. So would you like to go on an adventure? See the Batmen and Jokers of the Multiverse? Maybe even the Harley Quinns of the Multiverse?"

"No way, I don't want any of that. I just want you to go back whatever crazy world you're from-"

"The fifth dimension."

"- Go back to that place and leave me alone. Just lemme live my life, it's exciting enough without any alternate dimensions or whatever you've been saying."

"Well, that's too bad. You see, I'm one of the most powerful beings in the Multiverse. We're having this adventure regardless of what you say." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers.

"Hold on-" Harley's words were cut off when both she and Bat-Mite were engulfed in a cloud of smoke. As the smoke surrounded her, Harley realized that things were somehow going to get even stranger than they already were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual dimension-hopping shall comence next chapter. Little note, future chapters may have Bat-Mite make reference to Earth-12 as Harley's home universe. I checked the DC wiki and the Earth that's supposed to be the DCAU is called Earth-12. Anyway, this chapter was a bit short but it was just the prologue. The rest are intended to be longer. The first Earth Harley will be visiting is Earth-0. AKA, the current main DCU. This story should be updated weekly but it may take a bit longer depending on certain factors. So if you liked this prologue, keep an eye out for updates.


	2. Earth-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was up faster than I thought it was going to be. I planned the whole thing out before I even started typing so I guess that helped. Anyway, this chapter takes place on Earth-0 which is what the main comics DCU is called. Most of this chapter is inspired by events from the New 52/Rebirth and Harley Quinn's current solo series. I'm not entirely up to date on what's going on in the comics right now so some stuff might be inaccurate.
> 
> Before we start I want to give out a content warning for this chapter. The first warning is for some violence when DCAU Harley meets Earth-0 Joker. But it's a short scene and after that, the story is mostly conversation. And in my opinion, I don't think the violence is graphic.
> 
> The second content warning is for some mild homophobia. Specifically, it's the DCAU Harley being uncomfortable with main DCU versions of her and Ivy being in a relationship. This is mainly to differentiate DCAU Harley and main DCU Harley. In my mind, DCAU Harley is so obsessed with the Joker that she can't imagine anyone else being that important to her while the main DCU Harley has moved on.
> 
> I'll go into more detail about this chapter in the post-script notes.

Images flashed across Harley Quinn's visions. People, places, some she recognized, most of which she didn't. She had no idea where she was but it for sure felt like she was floating.

"Hey! Bat-Brat! Where are you?!" Harley's voice echoed when she shouted.

All the images being burned into her mind went away and she now saw a blue void with Bat-Mite hovering in front of her.

"Feeling travel sick? I can get you some mineral water if you'd like." Bat-Mite offered.

"Sure." Harley replied.

Almost instantly, a plastic cup filled with soda water appeared next to her. Harley was a little surprised by how her request was granted but she decided not to dispute it. Grabbing the mineral water, she looked at Bat-Mite.

"So I got no say in this thing, huh?" Harley took a swig of her drink.

"Exactly right." Bat-Mite nodded.

"Fine. Where're you taking me then?" asked Harley.

"First stop: Earth-0! This universe is essentially the default. The template used by the other Earth's in the Multiverses." for a moment it sounded like Bat-Mite had more to say but instead, he paused and looked at Harley. "Is this making sense to you?"

"Not really. I just wanna go back and tell Mr. J I'm sorry for whatever I did to deserve _this_." Harley gestured to the infinite blueness around her.

"Don't worry, we've almost arrived. Behold! Earth-0!"

Without warning the blue around them ceased to exist and instead they were left floating in space above the planet earth. Harley was so surprised by this that she dropped her cup, sending the mineral water tumbling into the void of space.

"Don't worry, I'm bending reality to allow you to breathe up here." Bat-Mite explained. "So, where do you want to go?"

"I wanna see go home. Why're ya even doing this? I'm sure most people aren't a fan of being dragged around by a crazy elf."

"Imp." Bat-Mite corrected her. "You see Harley, I've decided to give you a chance to see what your life would be like if things had been different. Or what Joker would be like if things had gone differently. But mostly, I'm doing it because it entertains me. Your reactions should be the funnest part."

"You can't change Mr. J, he's amazing the way he is." Harley smiled and crossed her arms.

"Actually, That's a good starting place. Let's visit the Joker..." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers, causing smoke to appear around him and Harley.

*******

Somewhere in the most highly guarded ward of Arkham Asylum, security had just been breached. In front of a cell with the name "Joker, The" carved into a plaque on a door Harley Quinn and Bat-Mite materialized.

"Whoa… Where am I? And what am I wearing?" Harley looked down at herself and saw she was dressed in a white coat and black skirt. Feeling at her hair, she realized it was now tied up into a bun.

"I took the liberty of disguising us for this visit. I'm invisible to everyone but you and I dressed you up like a doctor here." explained Bat-Mite. "Anyway, we're at his cell right now. You can say hi to him."

"Don't care what world this is, Mr. J will always get me in a good mood." Harley turned away from Bat-Mite and over at the Joker's cell. She grabbed on to the bars on the door and rattled them. "Psst! Mr. J, wake up…"

Harley waited and saw some movement inside the cell. A man-shaped figure stood up from the cell's bed and stepped closer to the cell door. His features became visible and Harley recoiled for sure.

He was the Joker for sure, but not the one Harley was used to. The Joker from her world always kept his hair combed, suit clean, and face washed. Even when locked up in Arkham he cared about his looks. This Earth's Joker had cuts, bruises, and dirt all over his face in addition to a short dishevelled haircut.

"Harley? Is that really you?" the new Joker sneered. "What do you want, you _dumb bitch_? Have you come to taunt me? Or do your big government pals want something with me?"

Harley was used to the Joker being aggressive with her or belittling her. But there was something about the way that the Joker of Earth-0 spoke that made her uncomfortable. Despite this, Harley told herself not to judge this universe's Joker on first impressions and forced a small smile onto her face.

"Oh Puddin', such a kidder." Harley tried to laugh but it ended up sounding nervous and fake. "I'd never taunt you. And what _'government pals'_ are you talking about? I haven't even _voted_ in years."

"The Harley Quinn who lives in this universe is a member of the Suicide Squad." Bat-Mite explained. He hushed his voice even though he knew only Harley could see and hear him.

"The what squad?" Harley looked over at Bat-Mite. "What's that?"

"Still talking to yourself, eh Harley?" Joker remarked. "Did you bring that ridiculous stuffed beaver with you?"

"Beaver? Mr. J, I just wanna talk. You see, I'm Harley Quinn from another dimension. Wasn't my idea to come here though." Harley tried to explain. "It's a long story. Anyway, me 'n the Joker from my dimension were havin' a bit of a rough patch so I thought it'd be nice to see you. Want me to break you out, Puddin'? I can-"

The Joker reached through the bars and put both his hands around her neck. "I don't know if Waller put you up to this or you were stupid enough to come here on your own but I don't care! Whatever your little trick is, I'm not falling for it! I'll always be better than you, Harley."

Harley made her knees go limp and tried to pry the Joker's fingers away from her neck but it all seemed like a futile cause.

"Stop messin' around Puddin'. I like playing games with you but now isn't the time." Harley kept up her efforts to break Joker's hands away from her.

"God, you're persistent. Waller must really have you scared with that bomb in your head." as Joker's grip tightened, Harley tried to pry his hands away from her neck. "I might like to see that actually. Your brain painting the wall. But it's so much more fun to keep you alive... So many ways to make you suffer."

"Puddin'... Why? I love you..."

"I love you too... But I'd love you a lot better if you stopped breathing."

Harley looked over at Bat-Mite, her eyes filled with fear.

"Help me…" she mouthed.

"Oh, right. Probably should have done that sooner." Bat-Mite clapped his hands twice, making them both disappear in a puff of smoke.

Joker was left with his arms hanging out of the cell door, grasping at thin air. He stared at the space where Harley had used to be for a couple of seconds.

"Hmm, I must be seeing things again. Good. I like it that way."

*******

When the smoke around Harley disappeared she found herself in an apartment stairwell. Her neck still burned and her stomach still hurt.

"Why did he do that… He was trying to kill me…" Harley adjusted to being able to breathe normally again.

"He's done that to you before." Bat-Mite began floating up the stairwell. "Remember that time with the fish and the window? That's always a classic episode."

"I know. But at least the Mr. J I know has some flair to it!" Harley hurried up the staircase after Bat-Mite. "He'd never just try to choke me. He'd make it fun! Mr. J always loves fun. And usually, it was my own fault. Why did he hate me so much?"

"Him and the Harley Quinn of Earth-0 aren't on what you would call good terms." said Bat-Mite. "This world's Joker is a lot more violent than the one from your world. Which is saying something, trust me." 

"Mr. J's plenty crazy already. What's the worst he could've done here?"

"Well for starters he cut off his own face this one time. Then started wearing said severed face like a mask. He also mutilated his own tongue once." Bat-Mite calmly explained. "It was a little weird. It's that kind of stuff that keeps me from spending more time in this world. It doesn't mesh tonally. But the worst thing he's ever done... That's tough. Maybe it was paralyzing Commissioner Gordon's daughter or murdering his wife... Not sure how canon those bits are now."

"Huh?" Harley said. 

If you ask me the worst he's done was torturing and killing Robin. Classic story."

Wait, hold on... That version of Mr. J killed the bird boy?" Harley's voice trailed off in disbelief. "Gee, but he's just a kid… My Puddin' would never do that to a kid, would he?"

"Uh…" Bat-Mite hesitated for a moment and thought over everything he knew about the history of Harley's Earth. "Yeah, sure." he started to float up the stairwell faster. 

"Wait, what does that mean! _'Sure'_?" Harley hurried up faster. "Hey! Wait up! Where'd ya even take us?"

"Coney Island." Bat-Mite replied.

"Coney Island?" Harley repeated, confused.

"This is where Earth-0's Harley Quinn lives."

Bat-Mite stopped on one of the landings and exiting out through a door. Harley followed him and found that the stairwell that they were in was inside some kind of apartment building.

"Hold on, I've seen time travel movies. Aren't you not supposed to meet the you from the past?" Harley said. 

"Don't worry, it's fine when you're dimension hopping." Bat-Mite told her. "Besides, this Harley is used to weird stuff happening to her." 

"Can I at least change into something comfortable before I meet this other me?" asked Harley.

"Of course." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers.

Harley glanced down at herself and just like that she was back in her jester costume. "Wow, neat."

Bat-Mite floated up to in front of a door to the right side of the hall. "Alright, this where you live. Well, this world's Harley lives. It should be fun to see what you think of Other-You."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Harley.

"You'll see. I'm going to stop bothering you for now." Bat-Mite said. "You have fun, I'll be back later when it's time to leave.

Another cloud of smoke appeared around Bat-Mite and took him away. Harley groaned once Bat-Mite was gone. She had gotten afed up with this strange adventure she was whisked away on. Especially after she was nearly strangled to death. But Harley also realized that she was stuck in this new universe without that weird little imp around so she went along with his plans if only to go home.

Harley approached the door Bat-Mite had indicated to and knocked at it in a shave-and-a-haircut pattern. After a couple of seconds the door opened up and on the other side, Harley saw a familiar face.

"Red?"

Harley?"

On the other side of the door, Harley stared at the face of Poison Ivy. Although, it was not the Poison Ivy she knew. This one had longer hair and instead of the leafy leotard Harley knew, this Ivy wore some type of black bodysuit with patches of leaves growing on it in different places. The Earth-0 Poison Ivy stared at Harley's happily smiling face for several moments. Sensing some tension, Harley tried to talk.

"So, I'm your friend Harley… But I'm from a different dimension." Harley tried to explain. "It's a long story."

Ivy stared at Harley, clearly trying to mentally process everything. It was during this process that someone else went up to the apartment's entrance.

"Hi ya Pammie, who's at th' do- Holy crap! It's another me! Cool."

Harley turned her gaze at the woman who had just come up behind Ivy. She immediately recognized this new person as, well, herself. But there were quite a few noticeable differences. This alternate Harley's skin was chalk-white all over and did not appear to be the result of makeup. The tips of her long pigtails were dyed red and blue. Out of all the differences between the two Harley's the largest one was probably what they wore. The Harley Quinn of Earth-0 still kept her red and black colour scheme but had decided to change her jester suit into something more modern. Instead, she had a vest, leather jacket, Daisy Duke shorts, and long stockings. All coloured black and red.

This world's Harley got closer to the door. For a couple more quiet moments, Harley stared at the alternate doubles of herself and Poison Ivy. The Earth-0 Harley eventually spoke up after some more staring.

"So lemme guess, yer from an alternate dimension?"

"Yeah, how did you-"

"I dunno! I guess I have sense for these kinda things. C'mon in!" the alternate Harley turned around and pranced back into her apartment.

Harley was a little surprised about how well the other her was taking things but she didn't argue. She walked into the apartment building with Poison Ivy following her.

A few minutes later Harley Quinn had been seated in the living room of the apartment while the alt-Harley had gone to the kitchen to get them some snacks. While Harley waited for the other-Her to bring in some food, Poison Ivy sat down on the couch across from her. Perhaps out of a feeling of obligation, Ivy tried to strike up some conversation.

"So… You're from another universe? I guess it isn't the weirdest thing that I've heard of... What's your world like?"

"It actually doesn't seem that different here." Harley remarked. "My world's got an Ivy too. She's real great. It's got a Joker too… The one _here_ wasn't so great. I met him earlier."

"I doubt the one from your universe is much better." said Ivy. "I bet he abuses and neglects you just the same. Harley, the one here, it took her too long to see the truth."

"He means well." Harley claimed. "Besides, mine's never killed any kids or cut up his own face."

"How do you know about that?" Ivy asked.

"The little Bat-Imp told me." Harley saw Ivy open her mouth to say something but she was quick to answer her question for her. "Just don't ask. I don't even understand."

"Look, you need to do what you did in this universe." the Earth-0 Ivy looked into Harley's eyes with a deadly serious expression. "Leave the Joker, make your own decisions, and start-"

" _I got popcorn and ice cream!_ "

The serious conversation between Harley and Ivy was diffused when the alt-Harley entered the room carrying a bowl of popcorn in one arm and a tray with three bowls of ice cream on it in the other.

"That's way too much food. You said it was just going to be a snack." Ivy told her.

"Got a 'lil bit carried away in there." Harley put the popcorn and ice cream down on the living room coffee table. "Anyway, help yourself."

Harley grabbed a handful of popcorn and a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

The alternate-Harley took a bowl of caramel ice cream and sat on the couch next to Ivy. She put an arm around Ivy.

"Wanna bite?" alt-Harley held a spoonful of ice cream in front of Ivy's face.

"I don't even _like_ ice cream, sweetie." Ivy gently pushed the spoon away from her

"That means more for me." Harley took a bite of the ice cream. "Yummy."

The original Harley finished swallowing her handful of popcorn and tried to get some more conversation in. "So, you two live here on Coney Island? That's neat. I haven't been here since I was a kid."

"I'm only here part time." Ivy stated. "I have very important work to do. Harley lives here on her own, I think she's the landlady of this building actually."

"Sure am!" Earth-0's Harley cheered, dropping a few pieces of popcorn in her enthusiasm. "I got all sortsa awesome new friends though. Like Eggy, 'n Big Tony… Oh! 'N my mom visits sometimes, 'n-"

"You're getting too excited again. It's cute, but you need to keep on topic." Ivy kissed the alt-Harley on the cheek.

"Thanks, daffodil." alt-Harley kissed Ivy back.

This amount of affection between the alternate-Ivy and alternate-Harley had begun to make the original Harley just slightly uncomfortable. She couldn't quite figure out why it made her uncomfortable, but it did. Harley tried to think of times where she'd been this affectionate with her world's Ivy but no memories came up. She tried to think of the right words to ask about their relationship with. But before she could say anything, the Earth-0 Harley went back to talking with her.

"So, Other-Me, what's your life like?"

"Oh, y'know, same old stuff." Harley replied. "Fight Batsy with Mr. J, hang out with my Ivy sometimes, get thrown in Arkham sometimes. That kind of thing."

"I don't really spend time in Gotham no more." said alt-Harley. "Mostly hang out here. Unless somethin' takes me to another planet or dimension. These sortsa things happen sometimes." she took another bite of ice cream. "Say, I got me an idea. How about the three of us go out to the boardwalk."

"I dunno, are you sure?" Harley asked her other self.

"Sure I'm sure! Listen, if you're still ain't moved on from Mista J, then you need all the fun times you can get."/p>

"Me and Mr. J have fun times."

"Not enough though. Trust me, I was there. C'mon _me_ , it'll be great." 

Harley took another spoonful of ice cream and considered the offer for the moment. "Ah, what the hay. Why not. You don't visit another universe every day."

*******

Ivy and the two Harleys immediately left the apartment after finishing their snacks. The original Harley voiced some concerns about not being disguised when going out but the Earth-0 Harley said they didn't need to worry. Apparently, in this universe, Harley was somewhat of a local hero on Coney Island. This information made the original Harley Quinn feel a little bit jealous but mostly just surprised and confused.

She didn't have much time to think about it though, as the three women soon left the apartment and went down to the boardwalk. As they walked under the rays of warm sun, Harley observed her counterpart and the alternate Poison Ivy interlocking hands again. Her mind made some theories about their relationship but was interrupted by the Other-Her before she could verbalize them

"Hey, Harley number two, wanna piece of gum?" alt-Harley looked over at the original Harley and held out a stick of gum.

"Do you even have ta ask?" Harley took the gum and began chewing it. "So where exactly are we going?"

"The beach sounds good to me." Ivy replied. "Even if there has been a slight pollution problem recently."

"Sure, why not. It's nice to be out during the day for once. Usually I'm only able to go out at night 'cause of being a super-criminal and such." said Harley.

"That's why I like bein' one of th' good guys now… Y'know, most of the time." alt-Harley remarked. "I got ta work with Power Girl. That was real fun."

"Who?"

"Power Girl. She's kinda like Supergirl 'cept she's got bigger boobs. She's really hot. Do ya have her on your world?"

Harley shrugged. "I don't leave Gotham much. If she's out there, I haven't met her."

The trio didn't speak for the rest of the trip down to the beach. Harley spent most of it chewing her bubble gum while the two alternates were busy talking with each other

After a few minutes, the three of reached a spot on the beach that Ivy deemed suitable. Three beach blankets were set out on the sand and the women sat down. By this point, Harley had started to feel a bit overheated in her jester costume. To cool herself off, Harley removed her gloves and pulled down her hood. Alt-Harley took note of this.

"Gettin' hot, huh? Y'see, that's one 'a th' reason I stopped wearin' that thing." alternate-Harley said. "Main reason was I thought this new thing would make me look more sexy. Right, Pammie?"

"Stop." Ivy giggled. "You're making me blush in front of… Uh, the other you."

This exchanged had Harley make a few more assumptions about the relationship of her counterparts in her head. She knew well enough to realize that it wasn't right to be making said assumptions without really knowing anything. This made her feel guilty for all the discomfort she felt regarding the alternate Harley's relationship with Ivy. To reduce said guilt, Harley decided to finally ask them about it.

"Hey, I've been noticing a few things about you both." Harley looked at her counterpart and Ivy. "You two… Are you _friends_?" she made the air-quote gesture with her fingers after saying 'Friends'. "You know… _Special_ friends?"

"You can just say lesbians. And yes, we are." Ivy replied, apparently amused at Harley's flustered state. "Happy with ourselves too. Harley's a great woman."

Harley had the confirmation she'd been seeking out. She came up with a reply after a moment of silence.

"Why? Why're you together?"

"'Cause we love each other. Ain't it obvious?" alt-Harley smiled. "She cares about me and I care 'bout her."

"I care about Ivy back in my world too." Harley replied. "But she's a little distant sometimes. I've never thought about her the way you think about your Ivy."

"You sure?" the alternate-Harley laughed. "Ain't you ever seen her pretty face and ever wondered what it'd be like to get your lips all over that?"

"'Course not. I'm Joker's gal." Harley said. "My Joker's a great fella and I belong to him." she hugged herself, making her body seem smaller.

The alt-Harley frowned and looked down at the blanket she was on. "Don't say stuff like that... Makes me remember what I used ta be like. He can't control me anymore 'n he shouldn't control any version of me."

"But ya don't know Mr. J, he's my whole life!" Harley dramatically threw her arms up in the air.

"Harley, he couldn't care less about you. I know that smilin' bastard better than anyone…" alt-Harley replied. "I'm _you_ , remember."

"But you're a different me…" Harley sighed. "Got anymore gum?"

Yeah, sure." the alt-Harley handed another stick of gum to the original Harley. "Let's not talk about th' Joker anymore. Awright?"

"Alright." Harley popped the gum into her mouth and smiled up at the Ivy and Harley of this world. "What do ya wanna talk about instead?"

*******

The day Harley spent on Earth-0 continued for several more hours. Mostly that time was used trading stories with the Harley and Ivy of that universe. Typically they were tales of the major events from both universes.

After a while, Harley felt bad for her Earth-0 doppelganger. As Harley had briefly experienced, the Joker of this universe was a different person than the one she was used to. There had been fewer, if any, moments of genuine love between the Joker and Harley of this world. Harley hadn't received many details from her counterpart about that part of her life. Instead, she preferred to speak of her new, much happier life.

Her new life was filled with excitement and respect from almost everyone around her. The adventures Earth-0's Harley went on ranged from regular fun like rollercoaster rides to some downright bizarre adventures.

"... 'N that's basically the story of my adventure on Apokolips!" the alt-Harley cheered. "Fun, right?"

"Yeah… Sounds great…" Harley sighed and lay down flat on her blanket.

"Somethin' wrong?" asked the alternate Harley.

"I'm just glad you live a good life now. Sounds like you've had it a little tougher than me… But I guess I'm a bit jealous." Harley confessed. "Of how your life is now, I mean. You live in a nice house, you have a whole bunch of friends who like you, you still get to talk to our parents. Meanwhile, my mom won't even talk to me 'n I still gotta worry about bein' jumped by Batman or the cops when I go out. Sorry, I don't wanna sound self-centred but… I guess I'm just jealous."

"It's like I was trying to tell you back at the apartment. If you want to see a difference you need to make your own change." Ivy offered some advice. "Find your own identity. Get away from the Joker."

"I don't wanna do that. Mr. J... He's my everything." Harley looked up at the sunny sky above her. "You both sound like you got a good thing going on here. But this place ain't for me. I want that stupid Bat-Elf to get in here and take me away."

Just moments after Harley said this there was a quick flash of light above her head. Once the light had gone away, Bat-Mite was floating above the three women.

"Did someone call for me?" asked Bat-Mite.

"Aww, look at 'im. Ain't he the most adorable thing you've ever seen, daffodil?" alt-Harley tugged on Ivy's arm to get her attention. She pointed at Bat-Mite.

"I'm looking but I don't believe it." Ivy stared up at Bat-Mite.

Harley stood up from her beach blanket. "Listen here, this whole world's confusing me. I like this world's Me, but I want my world back."

"No can do. There's still a whole Multiverse out there." Bat-Mite said.

"Can I at least get outta here." Harley glanced at alt-Harley and alt-Ivy. "I'm glad they're both happy here. Man, my world's Ivy is never gonna believe these crazy stories I tell her."

"So I guess this means we're ready to go, huh?" Bat-Mite lifted a hand up, ready to snap his fingers.

"Hold on, I wanna say goodbye to myself!" alt-Harley interjected.

"Me too." Ivy added.

"Sure, sounds fun." Bat-Mite put his hand down. "Go ahead. I've got all the time in the Multiverse."

Bat-Mite floated several inches away from the three of them while both Ivy and alt-Harley stood up from the sand. Ivy got closer to the original Harley and took hold of her hand. 

"Listen, Harley, I know I probably can't get you to listen but I want you to give what I say some serious thought." Ivy told her. "Move on from the Joker, alright. It didn't work out in this universe and it's not going to work out in yours. You're replaceable to him. Leave, make your own life." 

"'N maybe give your world's Pammie a chance." alt-Harley added. "She's th' best girlfriend you could ask for." she pecked the woman next to her on the lips.

"I know you both want good things for me but I'm happy the way I am." Harley claimed. "Besides, I don't swing that way."

"Get a close up look at Wonder Woman and then tell me what'cha think." alt-Harley joked.

"I guess there really is nothing we can do to convince you." said Ivy, the mood growing less lighthearted. "You'll just have to learn the hard way."

"Like I did..." the alt-Harley sighed.

"I keep tellin' you. Mr. J in my universe is great." Harley insisted. "Sure, he can get a bit angry sometimes. But who doesn't? And I usually deserve it."

"God, that's depressing to hear…" Ivy whispered to herself.

"Alright, I'm bored now." Bat-Mite declared. "Come on Harley, the next Earth awaits!"

"Can't you let me-"

Bat-Mite snapped his fingers, taking him and Harley Quinn away in a burst of smoke. After the two visitors had vanished, the Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn of Earth-0 stayed staring up at the space which the other Harley had been standing.

"I can't believe I used ta be like that… So in denial..." the Earth-0 Harley sighed. "But maybe… Do ya think she was right? 'Bout th' Joker bein' a better person in her world."

"I doubt it. You used to say things like that all the time." Ivy recalled.

"Yeah, I guess so. Hope she's doin' okay wherever that Bat-Boy took her." alt-Harley remarked.

"Let's not talk about it anymore." Ivy sat back down on the blanket. "The sun's still out. We can still have a nice, relaxing beach day."

"Good idea, cutie." alt-Harley lay down beside Ivy and moved in closer to her girlfriend. "But that other Harley was right about one thing. Between you, my nice apartment, and all my new friends; I got a pretty sweet life… Almost perfect, even." she put an arm around Ivy and squeezed her body tight.

"I think I'd have to agree, darling…" Ivy reached an arm up and stroked Harley's cheek.

"' _Darling_ '? Really?"

"Too sappy?"

"Just a little."

*******

All Harley Quinn could see was blue. Blue and the annoying little Bat who would not leave her alone. Bat-Mite circled Harley's head like a vulture above a dying animal.

"So, how was Earth-0?" Bat-Mite asked. "I want honest feedback here."

"I don't think I liked it very much. My Puddin' doesn't hate me like the one there did." replied Harley.

"That's debatable." Bat-Mite said.

"Even if Mr. J back home is like that, at least he knows how to take care of himself. The one I saw back there looked like he hadn't even seen a comb." Harley went on. "And another thing, I wasn't really comfortable that Other-Me gettin' all lovey-dovey with Pammie."

"Whoa there! I know it's still the '90s in your world, but it's not okay to say stuff like that anymore." Bat-Mite stopped circling Harley and waved a disapproving finger in front of her face. "Get with the times."

"No, I don't have a problem with them bein' gal pals-"

"Don't think that's the right term." 

"-It's just I don't like lookin' at myself with anyone but Mr. J."

"Hmm… Makes sense." Bat-Mite crossed his arms. "You are possibly the most Joker-fixated Harley in the multiverse."

"Listen, Bat-Guy, I wanna go back home now. Can ya please take me there?" Harley requested.

"Not yet. We still have more Earths to visit. This last world was similar to your home on Earth-12. This next one… It's very different."

The blue around Harley and Bat-Mite disappeared leaving them floating above another planet earth. Bat-Mite placed a hand on Harley's shoulder and pointed down at the planet below.

"Behold! The marvellous world of _Earth-8_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I learned one thing from writing this chapter. It is a pain to write two characters with the same name. But anyway, I tried my best to make this chapter unbiased since I'm not really a fan of the Post-Flashpoint versions of Joker, Harley, and, to an extent, Ivy. In my opinion, a lot of the stuff Joker has done goes too over the edge in terms of dark content (I.E. cutting off his face), Harley's current solo series is just a bit too wacky for my tastes, and her being a couple with Ivy is played for fanservice rather than being explored as an actual relationship. I could be wrong though, it's been a while since I've read a brand new comic. That's enough of me complaining about the comics. Hopefully, I made an accurate and unbiased depiction of the current comics DCU in this chapter.
> 
> Also, I'm just now realizing that Bat-Mite's line at the very end about it being the '90s on Harley's Earth could maybe be confusing. So let me explain. Basically, in the current DCU, Earth-12 is the DCAU universe as set in the era of Batman Beyond. This means Bat-Mite would have had to use time travel and dimensional travel to reach DCAU Harley. And since Batman the Animated Series ran from 1993 to 1999, I decided that meant Bat-Mite would have gone back to the '90s to get Harley. I will admit, that last part is just me going a bit crazy with headcanons.
> 
> Got a few more notes on the chapter, you may have noticed that Earth-0 Harley had a more prominent accent than Earth-12 Harley. This may just be imagining things, but I feel like the comics exaggerate Harley's Brooklyn accent more than the cartoon does. But mostly I just wrote it like that to differentiate them. Bat-Mite hesitating when Harley asked if the DCAU Joker would ever hurt a kid is a reference to the Return of the Joker movie. I have the Harley in this story being from some unspecified point in time during the run of B:TAS so that hasn't happened yet for her. Last bit of miscellaneous trivia, a lot of the things that Earth-0 Harley mentioned like going to Apokolips and teaming up with Power Girl are things that occurred in her solo series (At least from what I remember).
> 
> I hope all of that made sense. I never can tell if this stuff I type in the notes makes sense to other people or if it's just nonsense only I understand. In all seriousness, that does it for this chapter. Next time, Harley and Bat-Mite go to Earth-8. DC's pastiche of the Marvel universe.


	3. Earth-8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be taking place on Earth-8. As I briefly touched upon in the last chapter, Earth-8 is DC's pastiche of the Marvel universe. For when the writers at DC want to have an unofficial DC/Marvel crossover. Kinda like how Marvel has the Squadron Supreme as Justice League analogues. Anyway, everyone on Earth-8 is basically just a knock-off Marvel character. Instead of Captain America, there's American Crusader. Instead of the Hulk, you get the Behemoth. Instead of Doctor Doom, there's Lord Havok. And so on and so forth. No content warning for this chapter, so I think that covers all you need to know before we start.

Most people who have been teleported would say that it's a very disorienting experience. Especially the first several times. And right now, Harley Quinn was finding out exactly why. Just a moment ago she had been in outer space and now she was in the middle of what looked like some kind of party at a skyscraper or possibly a penthouse.

All around her were men and women dressed in corporate attire. But the champagne glasses and general good spirits indicated this was not exactly a serious event. Harley then realized that her clothes had been changed to an outfit similar to the others at the party. She scowled up at Bat-Mite.

"I really wish you'd stop playin' dress up with me." Harley remarked.

"You need to blend in." Bat-Mite stated. "I could've made you invisible to them like I did to myself. But that would be no fun."

"Where are we right now?" Harley gazed around at the party, not sure what to do.

"We're at a private party over at the Davenport Industries building. The Davenport company doesn't exist in you universe. But it's pretty big in this universe." Bat-Mite floated forward through the party with Harley walking after him. "Anyway, you might just recognize the CEO of this company. He's right there..."

Bat-Mite pointed to the left side of the room. Harley's eyes followed where her guide had pointed and she saw two men in suits talking over by one of the building's large glass windows together. She squinted and got closer to see if she recognized either man.

The first of the two she focused on was a middle-aged black man with a shaved head and a well-trimmed moustache. Harley noted that for someone his age, he kept in surprisingly good shape.

Her eyes moved to the second man who was much taller and a little thinner. He looked to be the same age as the first man, maybe a little older, and had short dark hair with a noticeable widow's peak. His skin seemed slightly pale; like he didn't get enough sunlight. Harley studied him closer. His cheekbones and chin seeming familiar somehow. It was then that the realization of who the man was set in on Harley.

"Puddin'?"

"Correct!" Bat-Mite confirmed. "Or at least, this universe's closest approximation. You see, Earth-8 is very different from the rest of the Earth's in the Multiverse. That man would be the Joker in most other world's. But here he's Jerry Davenport, the wealthy owner of a tech company."

"Mr. J's a businessman? Alright, I gotta listen to this." Harley tried to subtly creep towards the two men in order to listen to them without drawing attention.

"So are you going to consider my offer, Eric?" Earth-8's Joker, named Davenport according to Bat-Mite, asked the man next to him.

For a moment, Harley was surprised by the man's voice. It sounded smooth, calm, and professional. In other words, nothing like the Joker she'd known.

"Think about it, Bronson. Davenport Industries and Bronson Tech are two of the biggest companies in America. Hell, maybe even the world." Davenport kept on talking. "It'd be a mutually beneficial partnership of course."

"That's gonna be a hard pass, Jerry." the man beside him, apparently Eric Bronson, replied. "I got an image to keep up. And making deals with guys who sell missiles kinda goes against my morals."

"Always choose power over morals, Mr. Bronson. That's my motto." said Davenport.

"You know what, I think I'm gonna cut out early. Get some fresh air." Bronson patronizingly patted Davenport on the back. "Thanks for the party though; had good finger food." he then walked away from Davenport, leaving the taller man staring out the window.

"Fresh air… Not a bad idea." Davenport's faced remained locked in an emotionless state.

Harley looked up at the imp hovering above her. "Mr. J's kinda boring in this world. 'Least the last one still looked like a clown."

"We'll get back to him in a moment. You'll like it. Where else do you wanna go?" asked Bat-Mite.

"What's Red like in this world?" Harley asked.

"Glad you asked?" Bat-Mite clapped his hands together three times.

The skyscraper she was in faded away and Harley found the location that materialized around her to be much less glamorous. She stood in the middle of a small apartment unfurnished apartment that looked like it hadn't been lived in for years.

"I've turned you invisible too, by the way." Bat-Mite said. "Wouldn't want you to get on the bad side of her." he turned around in the air and pointed behind him.

Harley looked over her shoulder and saw what Bat-Mite was referring to. Behind her, there was a tall, well-built woman with a crossbow in her arms gazing out the apartment's small window. She had short strawberry blonde hair and seemed to wear exclusively fur clothing. From her brown furry fest lined with black fur around the collar to her white fur pants. Needless to say, it was a highly noticeable trend with her.

The muscular woman leaned herself out of the open window just a little and mumbled to herself. "Where is he? That freak has got to show up at some point..."

"This is what Ivy's like here?" Harley asked.

"Like I said, things are very different here. Her name is Paula Rodford. But she likes to call herself Nimrod."

Harley snorted and laughed at the same time. For a moment, she was grateful that Nimrod could not actually hear her. "She really calls herself a _nimrod?_ Is she hopin' whoever she's fighting laughs themselves to death."

"Allegedly, there's a good reason for it." Bat-Mite said. "But I can't remember what it is…"

"So what's her deal?" Harley asked. "Does Red still love plants in this world? If her outfit's tellin' me anything, it's that she doesn't love animals as much."

"No, in this world the Ivy equivalent does not have any powers." Bat-MIte said. "But she makes up for it."

"And she's still a bad guy here?"

"Oh, definitely. Observe..."

Nimrod turned back around, still brandishing her crossbow. "He was supposed to be there? The only reason he wouldn't be there would be… This is a trap!"

"Wow, she talks to herself a lot." Harley noted.

"People sometimes do that here." Bat-Mite replied.

There was a loud thump on the ceiling that got the attention of Nimrod and her two invisible guests. They all looked up to where the sound came from and just seconds later the ceiling above them collapsed.

Once all the dust had cleared a fit man was left standing where all the rubble had landed. He wore a red armoured suit that resembled chainmail with a matching red cowl over his head. Over his eyes was a white blindfold and on his chest was a golden outline of a balanced scale.

"Ah, Blind Justice. You don't play fair, do you?" Nimrod aimed her crossbow at him.

"Not with dangerous scum like you." the armored man, going by the name Blind Justice, replied.

"That's too bad. Because Nimrod always plays fair." Nimrod fired off a crossbow bolt but it was snatched right out of the air by Blind Justice.

"Not fast enough." Blind Justice flicked the bolt to the side, embedding it the wall. "You won't get a chance at a second shot.

"You think you're so great? I am superior to you!" Nimrod put the crossbow on her belt holster and charged straight at Blind Justice.

"Psst, is that blindfold guy this world's version of Batsy?" Harley tugged on Bat-Mite's cape.

"I don't know. I really don't come here that often." Bat-Mite admitted.

While they talked, Nimrod collided with Blind Justice and took a knife from her belt. The two of them grappled for a moment with Nimrod trying to stab through Blind Justice's armour. In their struggle, Nimrod ended up pushing Blind Justice straight through a wall.

"Let's give them some privacy." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers and the details of the apartment became fuzzy.

"You gotta gimme some kinda warning when you do this." Harley remarked.

The world around them came back into focus and the room now appeared to be a balcony high over the city.

"Where are we now?" asked Harley.

"Back at the Davenport building." Bat-Mite explaining. "More specifically, the balcony of Jerry Davenport's private office."

"Oh, Mr. J's place." Harley said.

"Exactly. In fact, here he comes now." Bat-Mite said.

Harley heard the sound of glass doors sliding open and whirled around. Through the doors stepped Jerry Davenport. His furrowed brow and quiet grumblings indicated a sour mood. For some reason, Harley couldn't quite figure out he was in the middle of undoing his tie.

"Bronson thinks he can treat me like this… I'll show him who he's dealing with." Davenport discarded his tie to the side and then removed the jacket.

"Is he stripping?" Harley asked.

"Yes, that's what it looks like." Bat-Mite said. "Don't worry, you're still invisible."

"Good." Harley smiled as she watched the businessman on the balcony unbuckle his belt. "Even in this world Mr. J's got a cute butt."

"There are some things even fifth-dimensional imps don't want to hear…" Bat-Mite remarked.

"Hold on… Why's he doin' this?" Harley turned to Bat-Mite. I mean, I appreciate somethin' nice to look at." But why?"

"Look back and maybe you'll see your answer." replied Bat-Mite.

Harley followed her instructions and gave her attention to Davenport again. He had removed his pants, shoes, and shirt by this point and beneath those articles, he wore a blue leotard that left his arms and legs completely exposed and an orange belt with several pouches on it. This choice of underclothes confused Harley but what confused her more were the two slits cut into the back of the leotard above Davenport's shoulder blades.

"Now I'm just more confused." Harley told Bat-Mite.

"Then keep watching." Bat-Mite said.

Davenport reached into a pouch on his belt and took a syringe filled with green liquid out from it. He held it up to his eye, inspecting the syringe's contents. "There you are…"

Moving his head a little, Davenport positioned the syringe next to his neck and injected whatever was inside into him. "Oh, _yes_ … The power!" his voice cracked a little. Davenport's whole body spasmed and the syringe clattered to the balcony floor. He let out a loud scream and a frightening metamorphosis overtook his body.

His skin became sickly green, his fingers grew into claws, as did his teeth into fangs, and his eyes became nothing but neon orange ovals staring out. The final act of this transformation was the growth of two leathery wings through the slits in the costume.

"Finally! I'm free! Free to do whatever I please!" the creature that had come from Davenport shouted. " _King Gremlin_ is free! Ahahaha!"

Also with the transformation of his body was a change in his voice. It went from stoic to shrill just like that. And when the thing calling himself King Gremlin laughed Harley instantly recognized the way it sounded.

"Holy… My Puddin' is a demon thingy in this dimension?!"

King Gremlin crawled up on the balcony ledge and flapped his wings. He leaped forward and began to glide over the cityscape into the distance.

"Alright, I'll give ya this. Didn't see that one comin'... I kinda like him better this way.." Harley said. "So Pammie's some kinda assassin 'n Mr. J's a crazy mutant-demon thing… Am I his hot demon girlfriend?"

"Not exactly. How about we pay you a visit." as soon as Bat-Mite voiced this idea the balcony became blurry just like the apartment had previously.

"Ah jeez… This ain't good for my stomach." Harley stumbled back and forth as the new location constructed itself. "No more teleportin', okay?"

"Fine."

The sights around them became solid and Harley saw that she was inside of a bank somewhere. But the fearful faces of the tellers told her that it might not exactly be another day at the grind for the people here. The shouty voices behind her confirmed this. "Alright boss, we got all we can. Let's get out of here!"

"Psst, it kinda sounds like I'm in the middle of a bank robbery. Am I still invisible?" Harley whispered to her travel-buddy, standing completely frozen.

"Nope. But I altered everyone's memory so they don't remember you being transported in." Bat-Mite said. "Figured it would be more fun if you could talk to the people on this Earth. So have fun. Turn around and you're going to meet the closest thing this world has to Harleen Quinzel."

Slowly, Harley looked behind her and saw several civilians cowering on the ground from a small group of robbers in the room. All the robbers were dressed in ill-fitting plaid shirts. green shorts, and striped stockings. The woman who appeared to be leading these strangely dressed men had wavy blonde hair and was dressed up in a foot-length salmon coloured dress with puffy sleeves. It achieved the effect of making her look a bit like a gumdrop. In her hand, she held a white stick with a star-shaped piece of metal on the end of it.

One of the men in stockings noticed Harley by this point. "Hey, miss, one of the hostages got up!"

"You there!" the woman in the dress bellowed, pointing the wand in her hands at Harley. "Come closer!"

Harley nodded and stepped closer. As she approached the ringleader of this group, Harley noted a few uncanny similarities in facial structure between her and what was apparently her counterpart.

"I told everybody here to stay still. But you still defied me." the Earth-8 counterpart said in a surprisingly calm tone. Although, Harley noted to herself, just below the surface it seemed she was seething with rage. "How dare you defy the Good Witch!"

"I… Uh… Can we start over?" Harley asked. "My name's Harleen. Friends call me Harley though."

"Silence!" snapped the criminal known as the Good Witch.

"Boss, we already got the money. She ain't worth it." one of the Good Witch's goons spoke up.

"Hush to you as well. We can still make it out in time." the Good Witch claim. "Just as long as that blasted Bug doesn't spoil our plans."

Right after this comment was made, a blob of green goo was lobbed down from the ceiling and onto the face of the goon talking to the Good Witch. It hit him with enough force to knock him to the ground.

_"Did someone call me?"_ a voice that came from the bank's ceiling asked.

Harley and the bank robbers all looked upwards. Clinging to the ceiling was a man with an acrobat's build wearing green and yellow full-body spandex with two antennae built in. Harley squinted at the strange person above her and noticed that the eyes on his costume seemed strangely large.

"Munchkins! Waste him!" the Good Witch ordered.

The Good Witch's thugs all aimed their guns at the hero on the ceiling.

"Well gosh boys, I'm flattered I'm getting all this attention. But sorry, I'm spoken for." Bug dropped down from the ceiling, firing more green goo from his wrists at the attackers the hole way down. "A quick cocoon blast should take care of you folks."

By the time the Bug landed on the floor all the thugs had been taken out by his cocoons. He stood up and placed his hands on his hips. "You know for someone who calls herself the ' _Good_ Witch' you sure don't do much good stuff."

"It's not fair. I was having fun and you ruined it!" yelled the Good Witch. "Try making your stupid little jokes when a life is on the line."

The Good Witch grabbed Harley by the wrist and pulled her towards her.

"Hey, lemme go! This ain't funny!" Harley complained. She stopped squirming around when she felt the cold, sharp metal of the star on the Good Witch's wand pressed against her neck. "Um… Never mind."

"Farewell, Bug. I've had my fun." the Good Witch started to back out of the bank. "You'll never catch me. I'm going to live happily ever after. No matter what you do."

Harley saw that Bat-Mite was levitating a few inches to the left of her. She tried to keep quiet and talk to the imp. "Hey, help me out here."

"No thanks, I wanna see how this plays out. In fact…" a bucket of popcorn suddenly appeared in Bat-Mite's hand. "Want some?"

"Not right now…" Harley whispered as the Good Witch continued to direct her towards the bank's front exit.

"Alright, alright, let her go." Bug tried to talk down his adversary. "Is trying to hurt someone what a Good Witch would do?"

"She's probably a Bad Witch." the Good Witch glanced at Harley.

"I ain't that bad." Harley remarked. She then felt her captor's grip tighten. Taking the hint, Harley shut herself up.

"Just let her go, alright. Don't do anything you'll regret." Bug continued.

"Fine. She's free." the Good Witch pushed Harley forward, sending her tumbling onto the bank's cool carpeted floor.

While the Bug was momentarily concerned with Harley's safety, the Good Witch dashed out of the doors and into the streets.

"Ugh, Alternate-Me is a jerk…" Harley said to nobody in particular.

The Bug rushed up to Harley and pulled her up from the ground.

"No time to chat, lady! Still got a bad guy to catch!" with that declaration out of the way, Bug leaped into the air and out through the doors.

Harley breathed heavily for a few moments, trying to process everything that had just happened.

"So who were those people?" asked Harley. "I feel like I've seen that Bug guy before…"

"You probably have. You see, tales of the heroes of Earth-8 are published as fiction in your world." Bat-Mite explained. "And _you_ are just a comic book in this world."

"Huh? Sounds confusing. Forget it, I'm goin' after that witch lady. I don't care if she's another me." Harley said. "Nobody yells at me and gets away with it."

"Except the Joker." Bat-Mite pointed out.

"Everyone has exceptions." Harley claimed. "Now gimme my old outfit back. Mallet too."

Once the last syllables of that sentence left Harley's mouth there was a flash of light around her. When it cleared she was in her jester costume again and carrying her sledgehammer.

"Hot dog!" Harley cheered, ignoring the baffled bank customers. "Looks like I'm back in business!"

Laughing, Harley Quinn burst out through the doors and onto the sidewalk. She spotted the Good Witch running from the Bug some ways down the street and followed.

"So, what's your goal here?" Bat-Mite asked.

"I dunno yet." Harley kept running as she talked. "I'll figure it out when I catch her." she hurried after the Good Witch and the Bug, screwing her face up into a look of determination.

Thanks to her athletic skills, Harley was able to catch up to the two she was chasing after in a matter of minutes.

"Hey! Bug guy! I wanna help whack this lady!" Harley shouted.

"Oh, another person in a costume. Just what we needed." Bug sarcastically remarked. "Who are you?"

"Name's Harley Quinn!" Harley announced herself. "'N right now, I really don't like that broad you're chasing!"

"Well that's too bad!" the Good Witch yelled over to her. "Because nobody can capture me!"

"C'mon Witchy, I stopped you like, a couple months ago." Bug said. He then looked behind him at Harley. "And as for you, leave her to me. What we don't need right now is any more superheroes."

The chase on the street came to a sudden stop when there was the sound of glass, wood, and metal breaking above them. Bug, Harley, and the Good Witch all looked up and saw that the window to an apartment above them had been broken and two figures grabbing each other in mid-fall were coming down from it.

"Huh, now there's something you don't see every day." Bug said.

Harley realized that whoever was up there happened to be falling right towards her. She jumped to the side just as the falling figures hit the ground. The two people rolled around on the ground and it was at this point that Harley recognized them as Nimrod and Blind Justice.

"Oh hey, it's those two from the apartment." Harley looked over at Bat-Mite.

"Yep, it's funny how things intersect." Bat-Mite remarked.

Nimrod managed to pin Blind Justice to the ground and started to slash at his armour. "I am a mighty huntress! No man in a gaudy costume can defeat Nimrod!"

Bug shot another cocoon blob out of his wrist and it hit Nimrod's clawed hand. "Okay, break it up you too. By the way, Nimrod, terrible name."

Nimrod got up from Blind Justice's weakened body and tried to pull the cocoon off of her hand as she got closer to the snarky superhero. "It's the name of a biblical hunter! Not that I'd expect an insect freak like you to understand."

"I'm a freak? Pal, I'm not the one wearing more fur than Cruella Deville." Bug remarked.

Harley enjoyed watching the two argue but she was quick to realize that while this was going on the Good Witch had slipped away. She looked around and saw the Good Witch trying to slink away into an alley.

"Hey! I get back here!" Harley ran off towards the Good Witch while the Bug and Nimrod started to fight behind her.

Harley's declaration only made the Good Witch run faster. She chased the Good Witch down the alleyway, still managing to gain some ground on her counterpart. The Good Witch stumbled a bit which helped in Harley's pursuit.

An idea suddenly popped into Harley's head. She sprung into the air, did a flip just for the fun of it and landed in front of the Good Witch.

"Ta-dah!" Harley struck a pose with her hammer raised above her head. "Bet'cha can't do that in your dress."

The Good Witch turned around and tried to run. But it proved to be too late when Harley ran up behind her and hit the Good Witch in the head with her mallet. This caused the Good Witch to tumble over.

"We're off to see the wizard…" the Good Witch muttered, partially muffled by the ground.

"Alright Glinda, you're goin' home." Harley grabbed a handful of the Good Witch's hair and started to pull her across the ground.

"Ow! Let me go!" demanded the Good Witch. "I still have my magic wand!" she took out her wand and pressed a button on it. The metal star on the wand spun like a buzzsaw. She tried to slice Harley up with the saw but it was smacked right out of their hands.

"Wow, you're bad at this." Harley remarked. "Guess Mr. J was right about me being a screw-up when I'm in charge of myself."

"Who?" the Good Witch asked.

"Shut up…" Harley tugged on the Good Witch's hair harder as she was dragged back out of the alley.

Harley dragged the Good Witch back to where the fight had been previously taking place. From the look of things, the Bug had won the fight. Hanging from a lamppost was Nimrod, suspended in place by large amounts of the Bug's cocoon.

"Let me down! The playing field was levelled I would have won!" Nimrod shouted.

"Well, you didn't. Better luck next time." the Bug walked away from Nimrod and went to help Blind Justice off the ground.

As the other hero recovered, Harley Quinn approached the two of them with the Good Witch still being dragged behind her. Also by the lamp post, Bat-Mite watching the two Earth-8 heroes.

"Hey fellas!" Harley announced. "I caught the other one."

"Who the hell is she?" Blind Justice cocked his head at Harley.

"No idea. She kinda just showed up." Bug replied. "Looks kinda familiar… Like I've seen her in a cartoon or a comic book. Just look at her."

"I _can't_ see her. Only sense her. Remember? It's in the name." Blind Justice turned to Harley. "So who exactly are you? You a new superhero?"

"Nah, this lady just really annoyed me." Harley pulled the Good Witch's hair to force her head up a bit. "You can take care of her."

"Well, thanks for the help. Another quick cocoon should keep her in place." Bug shot two bolts of cocoon that pinned the Good Witch's feet to the sidewalk and her hands to a fire hydrant.

"Thanks for helping me out with Nimrod, Bug. She's always more trouble than I remember." Blind Justice said.

"We saved the day. And with enough time to make it home to my wife for movie night." Bug remarked.

As if someone was cosmically mocking Bug, an explosion went off in the air above him.

"Sheesh! What's going on in this city?!" Harley exclaimed.

"I ask myself the same thing every day." Bug replied.

All three of them looked up and saw a battle going on above them between a winged humanoid creature and what appeared to be man in a suit of bronze and silver armour with jets of fire coming out from the feet. After looking for a couple more moments, Harley recognized the winged person as King Gremlin.

" _Ahahaha!_ " King Gremlin laughed. "Come on now, Machinehead. Bronson Tech has so many goodies and I want some of them!"

"Yeah, that's good for you. But Bronson Tech has a policy of not selling to things that can rip your heart out." the man in the armour, apparently named Machinehead, said.

Bug looked down from the fight over to Blind Justice. "Just another day at the office. Wanna help me with this one, Blind Justice?"

"Sure." Blind Justice put an arm around Bug. "Bring us up there."

Bug fired a long rope of his cocoon up to King Gremlin's back. He pulled himself upwards towards the fight, bringing Blind Justice up with him. Harley Quinn sat down on the sidewalk and watched the fight for a little while as it moved down the street several blocks.

"So are you just going to sit there now?" the Good Witch asked, trying to break free from her cocoon.

"I guess so. I'm really the hero type." Harley replied.

"In that case do you mind breaking us out?" said Nimrod. "It's rather embarrassing for a powerful huntress such as myself to be held here. Especially by a freak like the Bug."

"Nah, I ain't interested. I wanna go fight with those guys." replied Harley. "First I need my guide back. Where'd Bat-Mite go?"

Bat-Mite blinked into existence right before Harley's eyes. "You'd better have a good reason for calling me. I was watching the fight." he gestured to the general vicinity of where King Gremlin was clashing with the three heroes.

"Don't worry. You get to go back. Just teleport me over there, okay. " Harley instructed him. "I wanna help out King Gremlin if he's this world's Joker. Any Mr. J is A-ok!"

"Sure, let's bring you over there. Could be fun." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers and a puff of smoke took him and Harley away.

When the smoke dissipated, Harley saw she was on the rooftop to an apartment building. Right next to her, King Gremlin was staring down Machinehead, Blind Justice, and the Bug. The others noticed the presence of Harley and looked at her.

"I sense a new presence. Who is it?" asked Blind Justice.

"It's that lady from before." said Bug.

"Friend of yours?" Machinehead asked.

"Not really sure." Bug admitted.

King Gremlin looked over at Harley and inspected him. "Hmmm… Funny costume, irritating voice… You'll fit right in! I don't know who you are. But welcome aboard, kiddo! You ready to help me take care of these nuisances?"

"Always ready, Mr. Gremlin."

" _King_ Gremlin to you!"

Blind Justice looked over at Bug. "Wasn't she on our side?"

"Supervillains are confusing sometimes. One day they wanna kill you, next they want a second chance. I try not to think about it too hard." Bug assumed a fighting stance. "Right now let's worry about not getting killed by these two."

King Gremlin turned away from Harley to face the three heroes. "Girl-in-funny-hat, wear down the man-machine for me. I'll take the insect and the blind man myself!"

"No problem, King!" Harley held her hammer tight in her head. "One busted robot coming up!"

"Don't kill him. I want that honour to belong to me! And only me!" King Gremlin declared.

"Yes sir!" Harley cheered and charged at Machinehead while her brand new boss went after Blind Justice and the Bug.

"Hold on, do you really wanna do this?" Machinehead held out a hand in front of him with blue light glowing out of his mechanical palm. "Me personally, I wouldn't trust a guy called King Gremlin."

"Why not? I got nothin' better to do." Harley raised her mallet. "Eat hammer!"

Harley swung her hammer around and into Machinehead's face. He made no effort to block and let the weapon hit him. The hammer's head broke off and went flying behind Harley.

"How… How did you?" Harley stammered.

"Amour's lined with _Impenitrum alloy_. Bulletproof, fireproof, and definitely hammer-proof." Machinehead held his hand back out. "Could you do me a favour and go somewhere else? I'd like to stop the real supervillains now."

"Uh oh…" Harley observed Machinehead's palm begin to glow.

A blast of heated energy was fired out of Machinehead's hand, hitting Harley square in the chest. She flew straight off the roof and arced down until she smashed through the window of a building across the street.

"Bat-Mite… Are you in here?"

Smoke filled up the empty office Harley had crashed into and out from the smoke stepped Bat-Mite.

"I take it you want to get out of here." Bat-Mite remarked.

"And maybe get some healing too." Harley requested. "I tried to help, and I got blasted across town buy some guy in a suit of armour. How is that fair? Just take me to a new Earth… Somewhere I recognize, maybe."

"Granted."

This time, Bat-Mite didn't even bother to put on a show. No hand gesture or blurriness; as soon as he said the word they were back in the blue void and Harley's wounds had automatically healed.

"It's a shame, it was shaping up to be a fun fight." Bat-Mite said.

"Well, I sure didn't like it there. Especially that witch woman. Was she really me?" asked Harley.

"More or less."

"Think that's what I'd end up like if I never met Mr. J?" Harley pondered, tapping her chin.

"Probably not." Bat-Mite hovered down to Harley's eye height. "You'd probably a much more well-adjusted person if you didn't meet him."

"Hmmph, now you're just soundin' like Dr. Leland or Red when she's in a bad mood." Harley crossed her arms. "Just get me outta here, okay?"

"You said you wanted this next world to be familiar, didn't you?" said Bat-Mite.

"Yeah," Harley nodded. "You know anywhere like that?"

"I know just the place…" Bat-Mite smiled, hovering down to look her in the eye. " _Earth-11_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was chapter 3. AKA "Harley Gets Teleported Around for a Whole Chapter". In all seriousness, I hope liked it. I will try to tone down how much Bat-Mite intervenes with Harley's adventures in the future. I feel like I relied on it too much in the chapter. Before I end this I'd like to go over the Earth-8 characters and who they were analogues for.
> 
> The Bug was, obviously, a Spider-Man equivalent. He had a small appearance in the Multiversity (Even got to say a line) but his powers were never established too firmly.
> 
> Jerry Davenport/King Gremlin is meant to be a Green Goblin analogue. I feel like Green Goblin is the closest Marvel has to their own version of the Joker so it seemed like a natural choice.
> 
> Nimrod was intended to be a counterpart to Kraven the Hunter. Originally I wanted the Ivy of Earth-8 to be a Doctor Octopus analogue but then I realized the comics already had one named Gorgon.
> 
> Blind Justice was a Daredevil equivalent. The name's a bit obvious, I'll admit. I was going to call him Redeemer but then I realized that was too similar to the Confessor from the comic Astro City. I'm surprised he didn't already have an Earth-8 counterpart since he's a pretty major Marvel hero.
> 
> The Good Witch was a bit of an obscure reference. She was meant to be based on the minor Spider-Man villain White Rabbit only with an Oz theme instead of a Wonderland theme. But I haven't actually read any stories that feature White Rabbit so the Good Witch's personality was probably very different.
> 
> Machinehead is an Iron Man equivalent. He appeared in the Multiversity and had a few lines. I made up his civilian identity Eric Bronson though. Also, the "Impenitrum" he mentioned is what I decided Earth-8's version of Vibranium or Adamantium is.
> 
> You know, now I'm wondering if characters count as OCs if they're meant to all be knockoffs of pre-existing characters. Anyway, that covers this chapter. Next chapter Harley and Bat-Mite visit Earth-11. AKA, the gender flip universe. Not making that up.


	4. Earth-11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We now return you to our regularly scheduled fanfic. This chapter takes place on Earth-11. AKA, DC's canon gender-flip AU. At least, that's my understanding in it. Basically, everyone who's a man in the main DCU is a woman in this world and vice versa. So, for example, this Justice League of Earth-11 is comprised of Superwoman, Batwoman, Aquawoman, and Wonder Man. There might be more to the world than that, don't know for sure. That about does for info on Earth-11.

The space between worlds that Bat-Mite inhabited while deciding which Earth to visit became rather pleasant after a while. It was quiet, well lit, and somehow felt air conditioned. So being instantaneously transported from there to somewhere with howling wind, pouring rain, and the only light source being a street lamp was not a fun experience.

Harley swivelled her head around to see where she was. Droplets of rain were whipped into her face by the wind. She vaguely recognized where she was as somewhere in Gotham; maybe the waterfront.

"Where'd you take me now?" Harley looked up into the street light and saw Bat-Mite levitating above her. In his hands, he held a small umbrella.

"Same old Gotham City you're used to. We're just on Earth-11 now." Bat-Mite explained. "Oh, and there's a storm going on. But that's just bad timing on my part."

"But where in Gotham am I? And what's so special about… What did you say? Earth-11?" asked Harley.

"You're just outside the home of this universe's Joker." Bat-Mite said. "And as for what makes Earth-11 so special… I'll let you figure that out on your own."

Harley stepped out from under the streetlamp, rain still coming down hard. In front of her he saw the side door to a warehouse with a smiling face painted on to the side of the door. "Oh, me 'n Mr. J were living here a couple months back. Is he in there right now?"

"Check for yourself." Bat-Mite clapped and the painted door opened up on its own. "Unlocked it for you and everything. Go on, I'll be watching." his body gradually faded into nothingness like a Cheshire Cat.

"Creep." Harley glared at the spot where Bat-Mite had once been.

_"Just go in."_ Bat-Mite's voice rang through Harley's head. _"I'm always here if you need anything."_

"Okay, guess I'm going in." Harley looked back in front of her and stepped towards the door. She took a deep breath in hopes that it would make her feel more confident and entered the warehouse.

Harley recognized the interior of the warehouse and made her way through the familiar place. The lights were all off so she kept an eye on the ground for anything that could trip her as she walked.

"Glad we moved to the comedy club in my world…" Harley muttered to herself.

It was by this point that some noises in the quiet warehouse became audible. Harley listened in closer and recognized the noise as music. The kind of music from old comedy films that the Joker had watched back on Earth-12. The thought of this universe's Joker being inside the warehouse with her made her clasp her hands together in delight.

"Get in there Harley. Get in there and say hi. He's gonna love ya, no matter what dimension this is." Harley talked herself up.

She turned a corner past a stack of wooden boxes in the warehouse and saw a makeshift living room. All that had been set up was a tattered old couch and an outdated TV on a table. On the couch sat a tall, slim figure. The details weren't possible to make out but Harley had a pretty good feeling that it was the Joker.

The image on the TV showed a cartoon cat holding a stick of dynamite that had nearly burnt its whole fuse. The dynamite blew up in animal's face, covering the cat in soot. This scene caused the figure on the couch to burst into laughter, confirming Harley's theory.

"Hmmm… I'm getting an idea…" Harley started to inch closer to the couch from behind. "I'm gonna surprise Mr. J…"

The cartoon went on and Harley crept up behind who she presumed was the Earth-11 Joker as quietly as she could manage. There were a few more chortles from the shadowy figure as the old cartoon played. Once she got close enough, Harley put her arms over the Joker's eyes.

"Surprise!" Harley cheered. "Guess who, Puddin'!"

In response to this, the Joker elbowed Harley in the chest from behind. Harley toppled over on to the ground and started to laugh a little.

"Harley!" the Joker shot up from the couch.

When they spoke, Harley realized the Joker's voice sounded higher than what she was used to.

"Haha! You got it!" Harley rubbed the spot where Joker had hit her.

"Do you honestly think you can come back? Weren't the plant and cat trying to teach you some hogwash about being 'Independent'?" the Joker got closer to Harley.

"This is gonna sound crazy, Puddin'. But lemme explain." Harley stood up. "Actually... I don't really know where to start."

The Joker came close enough to Harley for the two of them to get a good look at each other. It seemed that the Joker of Earth-11 had a fair amount of similarities to the one of Earth-12. But there was one major difference that kept Harley staring at Earth-11's Joker for quite a while. The Joker of Earth-11 was a woman.

This world's Joker still had the pale skin, ruby lips, green hair, and a love for purple suits just like the one Harley knew. But this Joker had wider hips, more prominent cheekbones, and a curly bobbed haircut.

Harley stared at the female Joker in complete disbelief. The Joker of Earth-11 seemed to be equally perplexed by Harley and carefully looked her over.

"So who the devil are you?" asked the Joker after inspecting Harley for some time. "And why are you dressed up like Harley?"

"This is gonna sound crazy, but I'm Harley Quinn from another dimension." Harley explained. "Long story, but I thought I'd pop in and say hello to you. Since, y'know, you're the Joker from another dimension. I didn't expect you to be a woman though…"

"Well I didn't think you'd be one either." the Joker replied. "Let's have a talk. If you really are Harley, then maybe you can help me. Hell, maybe you're less useless than he usually is."

"What're you sayin' Mister- er, Ms. J?" Harley asked.

"Just follow me. We're going to sit down and have a nice civil discussion." the Joker stated. "Of course, it's only civil as long as you don't provoke me. Which, might I add, is very easy to do."

The Joker walked off further into the warehouse and continued to speak while Harley followed her. Although Joker continued to talk, Harley paid very little attention to what the woman guiding her was saying. She was still a bit thrown off by this world's Joker being female in this universe. The mention the Joker made of there being a male Harley also made the original Harley a little confused as well.

Eventually, Harley paid attention again when Joker and some of her henchmen had set up a table for them to sit at. Joker tented her fingers and gazed into Harley's eyes.

"So, _Harley_. You said you were from… What was it? Another dimension?" Joker asked.

"That's right, I'm not really sure how ta explain how I got here but ya gotta believe me." replied Harley. "I'm bein' sent to meet all the other versions of me 'n you. Pammie too."

"Who?" the Joker raised an eyebrow.

"You know, Pamela." Harley paused but got no reaction from this Joker. " _Poison Ivy_."

"Oh, yes. He's that bothersome little _weed_." the Joker scowled.

"So you're really accepting this crazy dimension traveller story?" Harley asked.

"I'm a clown who fights a woman dressed as a bat." said the Joker. "Don't think there's very much left that can surprise me. Now, Harley, I think there's something you can do to help me out. Will you help?"

"Oh Ms. J, of course." in her excitement, Harley grabbed on to the sleeve of the Joker's jacket. "If you're like the Joker I know, I'll do anything for ya."

"Perfect. My Harley could take a few lessons from you." the Joker jerked her arm away from Harley. "You see, my boy-toy Harley has been taking some time off. Now, this is normal. Whenever he gets on my nerves, I kick him out. But this time, he hasn't come back in over three months."

"So you want me to go check on him. Er, _me_." Harley said.

"Exactly. You're not as stupid as you look." the Joker remarked. "But I don't want you to just go check on him. You see, he's been hanging out with some new friends and I think they're trying to get him away from me. And I can't have that… Convince him to come back to me."

"Oh, I know who is new friends are." Harley replied. "Don't worry, I can talk things out with 'em. I'm good buddies with Ivy back on my Earth."

"And do you think you can actually do it?" asked the Joker.

"If Harley Quinn can't convince another Harley Quinn, then I don't know who will." Harley placed her hands on her hips, hoping it would make her seem confident.

"Good. Now come with me. We're leaving right away. I don't have anything else important going on tonight." Joker grabbed Harley by the wrist and got up.

Before Harley had time to grasp what was going on, she'd been led out behind the warehouse and seated in the driver's side of an old car purple. The Joker climbed into the back seat and looked to Harley.

"Now, you remember what you need to do?" the Joker asked.

"Go to Ivy's place and try ta get the Boy-Me to come back with you." said Harley.

"Excellent. Now start driving." the Joker leaned back into her seat. "I think I'll take a little nap."

"I'll be quiet, Ms. J." Harley started up the car and turned on the windshield wipers.

For a while, Harley drove the car without much on her mind except which turns she was supposed to make. But that changed when a cloud of scentless, purple smoke filled the car and out from it came Bat-Mite.

"Hey Harley, how's Earth-11?" Bat-Mite asked. "It's the gender-flip universe if you hadn't figured it out."

Harley flinched in surprised and suppressed a scream. "You can't just sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry, just thought I'd have some fun." Bat-Mite said. "But anyway, thoughts on the Earth?"

"Well, I'm kinda freaked out that Mr. J actually looks kinda good as a lady." Harley glanced to the sleeping woman behind her. "Do you think I'll still look good as a man?"

"You'll just have to see." Bat-Mite lowered himself down until he was sitting in the passenger's seat. "Why exactly are you helping out the Joker anyway?"

"Well, she said she misses this world's Harley. I'd do anything to help out any version of my Puddin'." Harley said.

"Good luck with that." Bat-Mite remarked. "I'll be watching you some more. But remember, I'm always here if you need help."

Bat-Mite disappeared in another cloud of smoke.

"Wish he'd stop doing that." Harley remarked.

"Hmmm… Are you talking to someone up there?" the Joker murmured, still half-asleep.

"No, Ms. J. Nobody at all."

The storm did not lighten for the entire ride in the car. But eventually, Harley stopped just outside of Poison Ivy's home. At least, where she remembered Ivy being back on her world. She stopped the car and looked back over at the Joker.

"Hey, wake up. We're here." Harley reached over to the back of the car and lightly shook the Joker awake.

"Good, go in there…" the Joker mumbled.

"But don't you wanna go see your Harley?" asked Harley. "He probably misses you."

"He gets the privilege of seeing me after he apologizes for leaving me alone for so long." the Joker replied.

"But Puddin', he's gonna be so happy to see you." Harley said. "I know I would."

The Joker scowled. "Don't call me _Puddin'_. It annoys me when the real Harley calls me that so I definitely won't take it from a fake one."

"Sorry Pud- I mean, Ms. J. I'll go bring back your Harley right away." Harley smiled at the Joker and opened up the car door.

She walked across the wet, muddy grass towards Poison Ivy's home. A few lights were on inside the house which Harley took as a good sign.

Harley snuck up to the window and crouched down to avoid being spotted. Peering through the wet glass, Harley saw three men who were both familiar and yet strange to her at the same time.

The first she recognized as the Earth-11 version of herself. He had the same red and black motley jester suit as her and gymnast build to him. His hood was down which revealed some blonde hair tied into a ponytail. This world's Harley had sat down on a couch and talking with the other two.

Seated across from him was Earth-11's Poison Ivy. Much like the one Harley knew, he wore a leotard made out of plants and had long red hair. The long hair combined with his muscular but thin physique made him look like a character off the cover of a cheap romance novel.

The last person in the group Harley assumed was this universe's male version of Catwoman. At least, that's what his tight black bodysuit and short dark hair suggested. He as the only one in the group standing up and was in the process of pouring some champagne into a glass.

"That must be them…" Harley whispered to herself.

_"Ah, so you've found the Gotham City Sirens."_

Harley turned to her right to see who had just spoken up and, as she suspected, saw Bat-Mite right next to her. "Gah! You have gotta stop surprising me like that!"

"Sorry, just thought you'd like me to introduce you all." Bat-Mite said.

"I know who they are. They're me, Red, 'n Catwoman." Harley replied. "Or, I guess Catman in this world."

"In this world, their real names are Harlan Quinzel, Peter Isley, and Sebastian Kyle. Thought that would help you out if you want to talk to them."

"Actually, that does help. While you're at it, ya know any ways to sneak in? If I know Ivy, and I do, they don't take kindly to people barging in on their house."

"Sure, I'll unlock the backdoor for you." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers. "There, it's done."

"Oh, thanks." Harley said. "One last thing, what Earth am I from again. If I'm gonna be explainin' this to the other me I wanna sound smart."

"Earth-12. Now have fun. I'm going to disappear again."

"Uh huh, you do that." Harley turned away from Bat-Mite and began to make her way to the back entrance of the house.

With the imp away from her now, Harley reached the house's backdoor. She turned the doorknob and, as Bat-Mite promised, it was unlocked. Pushing through the door, Harley walked down the house's back hallway as slowly as she could as not to alert the residents.

Harley reached the end of the hall and saw it opened up into the living room her male counterpart was in before. Thinking fast, she sunk into the shadows in wait of the perfect time to reveal herself. Harley tried to keep her breathing quiet while she watched the alternate versions of her, Poison Ivy, and Catwoman talk it out.

"You know something, boys." the Catwoman counterpart, Sebastian, went over to where the alternate Ivy was sitting and poured some champagne into his glass. "Sometimes a night in is way more fun than our boys night out."

"I dunno Kitty, those're fun too." the alternate Harley, named Harlan, replied. "Can I get somethin' to drink too?"

"Of course." Sebastian moved over to Harlan.

"Let's just be grateful you're with us tonight, okay Harls?" Peter, the Ivy counterpart, remarked. "There's no way I'm letting you go back to that sadistic clown again."

"Yeah… Puddin' seemed a little crazier than usual last time I saw her." Harlan nodded and took a sip of his champagne.

"Hey Sebastian, wasn't your girlfriend trying to track the Joker down recently?" Peter asked.

"Batwoman is not my girlfriend. At least, that's what she likes to say. Anyway, yes, I think the Joker's her latest target."

"I'll toast to that." Peter raised his glass and smirked.

"Sure. Cheers!" Harlan lifted his champagne flute up as well.

It was this moment that Harley decided was dramatic enough to reveal herself. She leaped out from the shadows and did a small somersault through the air. From there, she landed on the floor and struck a pose that she hoped made her look cool.

"Introducing Harley Quinn!" Harley pointed over at her male doppelganger. "Not you, _me_." she then pointed to herself.

The three men in front of her seemed confused at first. The Earth-11 Harley even dropped his champagne, shattering the glass against the floor.

The Poison Ivy of this universe was the first to address Harley. "Who the hell are you? And why are you dressed like Harley?"

"Yeah… And how're you pullin' it off too?" Harlan asked, standing up. "Seriously, lady. I thought I was the only one who could fill out that suit."

"Hear me out, I'm from another dimension! It's called Earth-12. You're all here on Earth-11." Harley tried to explain. "Don't understand it myself, but it's pretty interesting."

"Do either of you understand what she's saying?" Sebastian looked back at his companions.

"No. But I think I'm going to hurt her." two vines rose out of a potted plant behind Peter. "She broke into my house. And I don't like that."

"Wait, Petey, don't!" Harlan went over to Peter and grabbed his wrist. "I wanna hear what she has to say."

"Fine. But I'm keeping my babies on standby." Peter said.

"So, lemme explain. I'm here to talk to the other me. That's you." Harley pointed a finger at Harlan. "Y'see, when I first landed here, I ran into the Joker. She told me that she misses you and wants ya to come back."

"Dammit, no!" Peter yelled.

Vines shot out from the potted plant and wrapped around Harley's middle, pinning her arms to her sides.

"It's obvious, Harley! This is just some idiot the Joker hired to get you back into her clutches!" Peter yelled. "Ugh! It's no wonder I don't trust women."

"So what should we do to her now?" asked Sebastian.

"Kick this fake Harley out and tell Joker that the real Harley is not her property." Peter replied.

"I'm no phony, Red." Harley claimed, struggling against the plants. "I'm the real deal. One-hundred percent!"

"Red? How did you know Harley calls me that?" asked Peter.

"I told you, I am Harley. What part of that don't you guys understand?" Harley moved her eyes from Peter to Harlan. "Listen, come with me. Ms. J, she misses you."

"She does?" Harlan asked. "Well, maybe I should give her another ch-"

"No, Harley!" Peter yelled. "Don't listen to her!"

The vines violently lurched around and let go of Harley, hurling her across the room. Harley flew through the window the living room and landed in the outside lawn. She slid across the muddy grass until she was a few feet away from the car.

Pulling the upper half of the body from the ground, she dragged herself across the grass towards the car. Once she had gotten close enough, Harley desperately tapped on the car door.

"Puddin'! Open up, please!" Harley yelled.

The door open, hitting Harley in the face a little. The Joker looked down at Harley with a scowl on her face. "Oh, what do you want?"

"It's a lot tougher than I thought, Puddin'!" Harley reached into the car and clung to the Joker's leg out of a need for security. "Ivy... He's kinda scary… Doesn't want me to talk to the other me."

"I should've known that vegetable would be trouble." Joker shook her leg to try and get Harley to let go. "Figures you're too weak to fight her. Aright, time to do this myself." she got out of the car, Harley letting go of the Joker in the process. "Honestly, I knew I should have taken care of this myself. So, where are they?"

"I think they're comin' out to check on me." Harley stood up, wiping some mud away from her outfit.

Harley and Joker looked at the front door to the house and saw that Harley's guess had been correct. The door opened up and on the other side exited the three men from before. Catman armed with his whip, Earth-11 Harley holding his hammer, and Poison Ivy with several large vines following him. Peter Isley's eyes locked in on the Joker and he scowled.

"So, you want Harley back." Peter took a few steps forwards. "And you had to send your little goon to go get him."

"Now plant-boy, let's not be hasty." the Joker got closer to the three men. "We can settle this in a civilized manner. Ask Harley what he thinks." she looked at Harlan. "What do you say, kiddo? Wanna come back with me?"

"I… Uh, maybe." Harlan replied, shuffling his feet nervously. "Red and Sebastian are nice fellas, Ms. J. You think I could stay with 'em some more?"

"You belong to me! How many times do I have to drill that into you!" the Joker snarled, getting closer. "If it's a fight you want it's a fight you'll get. At least I have one Harley on my side." she glanced over at shoulder at the original Harley. "Isn't that right?"

"Uh… Actually…" Harley got closer to the Joker. "Back in my world Red's my best friend… And I don't wanna another version of me… And-"

The Joker grabbed Harley by her collar and pulled their faces close together. "You're _mine_ just like the other Harley; even if you are a woman! And you _will_ help me get the real Harley back under my control! Understand that?"

"Yeh… Yes, Puddin'..." Harley meekly nodded.

"Good. Oh, and _do not_ call me Puddin' again." Joker let go of Harley. "Now go fight them for me!"

"Right away…" Harley stared down the male counterparts of her, Ivy, and Catwoman in preparation of the fight. "Other Harley, yer goin' back to Ms. J 'n that's final!"

The two sides of the conflict ran at each other. Harley knew that her and Earth-11's Joker were outnumbered and quite possibly outskilled. But she went into the fight with enthusiasm regardless.

However, Harley's attempts at fighting were very shortly lived. She tried to get a hit in on Sebastian but was repelled by his whip. After that, she tried going after Peter but was smacked by one of his vines with enough force behind it to launch her back into the hood of the Joker's car.

"Oh… My head…" Harley tried to stand up but found that her body would not obey her. "Maybe I'll just stay here… I'm sure Mister- Ms. J can handle herself…" she allowed her body to relax and close her eyes.

She wasn't sure if she passed out or if she simply stopped taking in external input. Either way, for a while Harley lay on the hood of the car with nobody bothering her. It was there that she stayed for a while.

Harley became alert again when she heard the sound of something else smashing into the car she was on. She opened her eyes and saw a tall figure with pointed ears in the shadows above her.

"Batsy?"

The figure above her dropped down from the car and a gloved hand grabbed her wrist. Harley was dragged off the car and propped up against the side of the vehicle. She looked up and realized she was now face-to-face with Batman. Or rather, Batwoman.

Despite the difference in gender, the outfit Batwoman wore was almost identical to her alternate-Earth duplicates. The main difference Harley noticed was that Batwoman was significantly less muscle-bound than her counterparts.

"I don't know who you are or know why you're dressed like a known criminal." Batwoman growled, still maintaining the gruff seriousness Harley was acquainted with. "You'd better stay here. I've got bigger threat to take care of."

Batwoman grabbed a Batarang from her utility belt and went off towards where the fighting was still going on. Harley's vision became less blurred and she got a better look at the fighting. Apparently, the alternate male Harley had not fared much better in the fight. He was currently lying in the muddy grass either unconscious or choosing to stay out of the conflict.

Meanwhile, both Peter and Sebastian were overpowering the Joker in combat while Batwoman rushed in to intervene.

"Gotta help Puddin'... Gotta help the other me…" Harley started to stand from the ground. "I can do this."

Harley got to her feet fully and, with a stumbling start, walked over to where her male counterpart. She started to pull Harlan up from the ground.

"Come on, get yourself up…" Harley lifted him up completely.

"Ms. J… Issat you?" mumbled Harlan.

"Not exactly." Harley replied.

"Harley! Get over here, you buffoon!" Joker shouted as she dodged a swipe from Catman's clawed glove.

"Which one?" Harley and Harlan asked at nearly the same time.

"Either! Both! I don't care!" Joker yelled. "Just someone, help!"

"C-comin' Puddin'!" the male Harley yelled.

"Me too!" the original Harley added.

Both the Harley's ran towards the Joker, completely fixated on rescuing her.

"Harley! Forget her!" the Earth-11 Poison Ivy shouted. "Help me instead!"

Hearing Peter, Harlan stopped and looked to see him trying to fight off Batwoman with his vines. "I'm coming, Petey!"

The two Harley's split directions with Harlan going to stop Batwoman and Harley still dedicated to rescuing the Joker of this universe. As soon as she had gotten close enough, Harley lunged forward and tackled Sebastian.

"Real sorry about this, kitty-cat!" Harley and Catman landed on the ground. "You seemed like an okay guy." she grabbed Sebastian by the back of his mask and slammed his head into the grass with the intention of knocking him out.

Harley got up from Sebastian's stunned body and scrambled over to the Joker. She wrapped the Joker up in a hug and began to jump up and down. "You're safe now, Puddin'! I'm never gonna let you go."

The Joker pushed Harley away from her, causing the jester to tumble over. "Well, you'd better let me go! Only the real Harley can do that."

"Sorry, Ms. J. You're just a real swell lady is all." Harley got up from the ground.

"Yes, yes, I know. Now come on, let's get out of here. We'll get the real Harley some other time." the Joker turned away from Harley. "And seeing as you smashed up our car we'll have to walk."

Harley and Joker started to run away from the fight behind them. They only got a few feet away from Ivy's house when they each felt a booted foot press against their back. Both of them face-planted in the mud with Batwoman standing over them.

"And here I thought you forgot about me, Batsy." the Joker chuckled. "It's always funny how we meet like this. But alas, I need to go."

"You're not going anywhere." Batwoman grabbed Joker by the collar of her suit, picking her up.

"Well gosh, it's good to know you care! " the Joker cackled.

"I'll let you two handle this by yourselves… Buh-bye…" Harley crawled backwards away from Batwoman and the Joker. She kept crawling until she had backed into the remains of her car again.

She looked around at everything that was happening around her. First saw this world's versions of her and Ivy tied up by rope with Batarangs on the ends of it. Catman seemed to be trying to get them untied. Harley then looked at the Joker and Batwoman. Joker had broken free from Batwoman's hold and was shooting sharpened _"Bang!"_ flags out of a pistol. The attack appeared to be failing with Batwoman being able to dodge each attack.

Harley Quinn looked at the sky above her, a raindrop landing directly in her eye. "Ugh… Of all the luck… Bat-Mite, ya still there?"

Bat-Mite faded into existence above her, blocking a small amount of rain from her. "Aww, do you want to leave already?" he frowned in disappointment.

Harley weakly nodded in response.

"But I was having so much fun watching." Bat-Mite crossed his arms. "Why leave now?"

"I feel like this whole fight thingy has kinda gotten bigger than me. Can ya just get me outta here?"

"Fine. I guess you are technically in charge." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers and the world around Harley grew fuzzy. All the details around her disappeared until nothing was left except a pleasant shade of light blue. She looked down and saw she was back to floating in the expanse of blue nothingness. "Think you can clean off my suit while we're here?"

"I'm able to do anything!" Bat-Mite announced, raising his arms up into the air. All the mud and other damages to Harley's costume vanished like it had never even been there. "So Harley, want to give me your report on Earth-11? Me personally, I loved it."

"Well it was nice ta see a Mr. J that wasn't tryin' ta kill me." Harley tapped her chin, in thought. "Even if it bein' a Lady-Joker kinda freaked me out. But at least she liked me."

"I don't think she liked you."

"Hey, I don't need your little comments. Point is, I liked seein' Mr. J again. Didn't like Pammie tryin' to kill me in this world though… C'mon Bat-Kid, I want this trip to be over. Can ya just take me to the next world."

"Fine, we can do that." Bat-Mite put his hand in position to snap his fingers. "I got a few ideas for where we can go…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this chapter even though it ended up shorter than I expected. The next chapter is going to take place on Earth-18 which is their wild west universe home to all of DC's western heroes as well as their modern heroes put into an old west context. Should be fun.


	5. Earth-18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place on Earth-18 which is the wild west Earth. It's home to DC's western heroes like the Trigger Twins and Cinnamon as well as reinterpretations of their main universe characters in a western setting like Tomahawkman. For the record, there's a character in this chapter called Bat-Lash but he is not an old west interpretation of Batman. He's a pre-existing western hero who I knew very little a bit prior to writing the chapter. Hopefully, I did a good job writing him. Anyway, I have one slight content warning in this chapter. Earth-18 Joker calls Harley a harlot a lot (Because old west) but other than that, that's it. I think this covers everything you need to know before we start.

When Harley had been on Earth-11, the one thing constantly nagging at her brain was the want for the storm that had been going on there to stop. So upon arrival on the newest Earth Bat-Mite had transported her to, she got her wish. Only in a less than enjoyable fashion.

Harley took a deep breath in once the blue void had disappeared and realized that the air was hot and dry. The distinct smell of strong liquor was not helping matters either.

The tight presence of her jester costume was no longer around her. This alerted Harley to the fact that Bat-Mite had once again magicked some new clothes onto her. With a short glance down at herself, Harley saw that she'd been changed into a red dress with black frills. The dress reached all the way down to her feet. She felt around at her head and realized that her hair had been let down.

"Where did he take me this time?"

Now a little less disoriented, Harley took in her surroundings. She realized she was inside of a building made mostly out of wood. There were tables and chairs set up around the room, most of which were occupied, which indicated that she was in some kind of restaurant. The sense of fashion of the restaurant's patrons was a couple of centuries out of date.

"Hmm… Little imp sent me back to the past."

Harley turned around and saw that she had been standing in front of a bar. A man dressed in black was slumped over forward onto the counter, most likely drunk. An older, balding man behind the counter took notice of Harley.

"Hey, servin' girl! I've been lookin' for you!" the bartender barked.

"Who? Me?" Harley asked.

"'Course I'm talkin' 'bout you. Bring up a bottle of whisky to the fellas in the private room upstairs. They've been waitin' for too long." the bartender took a full bottle out from under the counter and put it on the counter. He slid it along the table until it was at the edge. "Remember, we told them they'd have _discretion_. Don't you go blabbing 'bout what you see or hear in there."

Harley stared at the bartender and then the bottle, not sure what to do with it.

"Well? Go on! What do we pay you for?"

"Right, goin' upstairs." Harley grabbed the bottle and hurried away. She noticed a staircase after she turned around and made that her new destination.

She made it to the top of the stairs which opened up into the mouth of a hallway. As soon as she made it into the hallway Bat-Mite appeared before her eyes in a small flash of light.

"Thoughts on Earth-18 so far?" asked Bat-Mite.

"Is that where I am?" one of Harley's eyebrows rose. "So, what? Is this world the wild west?"

"A _steampunk_ wild west to be exact." Bat-Mite elaborated. "The heroes and villains of this world are much like the ones on yours. Only with an old west spin to them."

"Uh huh, and why'd you drop me off in a saloon?" Harley asked. "If it's for the booze, thanks I guess. But I don't really go for anything this strong." she shook around the whisky for emphasis.

"I have a much better reason than that." Bat-Mite began floating forwards through the hall, beckoning Harley to follow him.

"And what's that?" Harley walked after Bat-Mite.

"You see, the room you've been told to deliver that alcohol to, it contains some of Gotham's greatest rogues having a meeting. Or at least, the Earth-18 equivalents of Gotham's greatest rogues." Bat-Mite explained.

"Alright, colour me interested." Harley nodded. "I'll check this one out."

Harley walked past Bat-Mite to a room at the end of the hall. Several muffled voices came from inside the room which told Harley that it was where she was supposed to go. She pushed open the door and entered the small, dimly lit room.

"Alright, everyone. I got'cha your drinks." Harley got a good look at the room she'd just entered. The centrepiece to the room was a large table and just like Bat-Mite had said the people in the room all resembled people she knew from back in her dimension.

First was what appeared to be Earth-18's equivalent to the Penguin. He was short, bald, and dangerously overweight like the Penguin back on her Earth. Despite this world being in the past, he still kept a fancy style of dress with his top hat and suit being more or less the same. The two main differences were that instead of a monocle he wore a pair of half-moon glasses and instead of wielding an umbrella he held a cane.

Next to Earth-18's Penguin sat what Harley presumed was their Riddler counterpart. Much like the penguin, he kept his sense of fashion but it was toned down considerably. His jacket was a darker shade of green and he had ditched the bowler hat and domino mask completely. All traces of purple in his costume were gone and the only question mark on his body was an emblem sewn in on his jacket's pocket.

Seated across from this world's Riddler was Earth-18's Poison Ivy. She still had red hair but everything else appeared to be different. Harley figured it was a little harder to take care of your personal hygiene when you lived in the wild west since this version of Ivy appeared to have rough skin in comparison to her Earth-12 counterpart. Instead of any leaf based clothing, this Ivy was dressed up like the bad guy out of an old John Wayne or Clint Eastwood film. The outfit consisted of mostly dusty brown cloth. The clothes appear just slightly loose on her; like she'd stolen them from someone else.

Finally, at the head of the table, Harley saw Earth-18's counterparts to her and the Joker. The Harley equivalent was dressed in a manner similar to Ivy albeit with clothes that fit her much better. Her jacket and pants kept with Harley's typical red and black colours and the hair of the Earth-18 Harley was much longer than the original Harley's. Joker looked mostly the same. He lacked the bright red lips of the other Joker's Harley had seen but his gunslinger outfit was still coloured deep purple like all the other versions of him.

These six outlaws stared at Harley for a couple of seconds until the Earth-18 Joker spoke up. "Well, what're ya waitin' for, girl? Give us somethin' to drink."

Hearing the Joker speak in a southern accent threw Harley off slightly but she tried to respond.

"Right away, mister." Harley rushed over to the Earth-18 Joker and poured some whisky into a glass that had been set up in front of him. "Lemme know if ya want more."

Harley made her way around the table, serving drinks to the counterparts of Penguin, Riddler, and the alternate-Harley. When Harley made it over to the Ivy equivalent the woman she was serving moved the glass away from her.

"Nothin' for me. I only take water." the Earth-18 Ivy said. "Ya ever pour whisky on a plant? It ain't pretty."

"R-right." Harley backed away, caught a little off guard by hearing the accent coming from Ivy. "You guys want me to stick around?"

"I reckon we're gonna need refills. 'Specially Ozzy." Earth-18's Joker eyed the Penguin counterpart.

"I get drunk one time and you don't let me forget it, huh?" Penguin muttered.

The Riddler counterpart pounded a fist on the table to get the attention of his accomplices. "Ahem… Ladies and gentlemen, I've gathered us here because we are the five biggest outlaws in Gotham. The Buzzard..." his eyes shifted over to the Penguin's counterpart. "Tumbleweed…" he then gazed over at the Earth-18 Ivy. "Lady Sledgehammer…" his eyes moved to the Harley counterpart. "The Pale Horseman…" he shifted to the Joker's doppelganger. "And me! Smartest man on the frontier; Doc Enigma!"

"Yes, yes, very dramatic." the alt-Penguin, Buzzard, rolled his eyes. "We've gotten to know each other. But _why_ are we here?"

"I'll answer your question with another question." Doc Enigma, the alternate Riddler, stuck a finger up in the air. "Who is the number one threat to us?"

" _Bat-Lash._ " the alt-Ivy, known as Tumbleweed, growled.

"Exactly!" Doc Enigma pounded his fist on the table again. "We'd have free reign over this city if it wasn't for him. But now he rounds us up and sends us to the care of Dr. Amadeus Arkham in an endless cycle."

"Oh, I see what you're gettin' at, Eddie." the Pale Horseman, also known as the alt-Joker, chuckled. "You want us to have a little team-up. Ain't that a laugh? But we don't do that. The Pale Horseman is a solo act."

"Except for me, ain't that right darlin'?" Lady Sledgehammer, Harley's own counterpart, stroked the Pale Horseman's cheek.

" _Not now…_ " the Pale Horseman jerked Lady Sledgehammer's hand away from him.

"Well, he certainly does not speak for everyone." the Buzzard spoke up. "I'm all for your plan, sir."

"Excellent." Doc Enigma smiled. "And Tumbleweed, what about you?"

"If we can finally kill Bat-Lash, then I'm with you guys." Tumbleweed nodded. "Unlike some folks, I can put my differences aside." she glared over at the Pale Horsemen.

"Hmmph, you three enjoy yer little gang. Me 'n my gal, we got bigger plans than you could ever imagine." the Pale Horseman downed his whisky in one swig and stood up. "If anyone's gonna kill that fella, it's gonna be me. Thanks for the free drinks though."

"Do we gotta leave, darlin'?" asked Lady Sledgehammer. "I like workin with Tumble-"

"Now who's in charge of this relationship?" the Pale Horseman grabbed Lady Sledgehammer by the wrist.

"You are…"

"Good! Now we're gettin' out of here."

The Pale Horseman, dragging Lady Sledgehammer behind him, walked right past Harley and out of the room.

"Hmm, we can still triumph with only the three of us." Buzzard said.

"He'd only slow us down anyway. Self-centred nutjob." Tumbleweed agreed.

"Indeed, I knew it was a risky move." Doc Enigma directed his attention over to Harley. "Good madam, we demand privacy for the rest of the meeting. You understand."

"For sure. Don't need to tell me twice." Harley placed the bottle of whisky down on the table and hurried out of the room.

She went down the stairs and searched around the saloon until she found a backdoor. Stepping outside behind the saloon, Harley looked up at the air. "Hey Bat-Mite, can you get in here?"

Bat-Mite teleported in above Harley's head. "What is it?"

"What do I do now?" Harley asked. "Is there something I can do to help these guys fight Batsy? Because that's what I want to do."

"Sure, I can get you in on that. But tell me, do you want to work with Joker and the other you or with Riddler's group?"

"I'm not really a fan of Eddie back home. Too full of himself. Can you get me to work with Mr. J?"

"No problem. I'll bring you over to where he stays." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers which caused smoke to appear around Harley and him.

The smoke cleared up and in front of Harley stood a broken down house. She looked around saw that there were very few other buildings around.

"Welcome to the edge of town." Bat-Mite said. "Spooky, huh?"

"I guess so. Mr. J's in there, right?"

"Yep, go on in. If there's any trouble, I'll get you out of it."

"Ah, it'll be fine." Harley walked up the steps to the house. "I know what Mr. J's like back home."

Harley turned the handle to the door and entered. The dusty interior of the house was empty and full of overturned furniture. Above her, Harley heard voices. Even though Harley was unable to hear what they were saying clearly but from the tone it definitely sounded like arguing. She walked up the stairs, the voices becoming more audible.

"I don't get why I can't bring my gun, darlin'."

"Woman, don't you get it! We can't just shoot Bat-Lash like he's some no-name. We gotta make it special!"

"But it's much easier-"

"I don't care!"

Harley followed the voices through a door and into a room that looked like it had once been a bedroom. Lady Sledgehammer and the Pale Horseman both looked straight at Harley as soon as she'd entered.

"Um… Howdy." Harley tried to start off talking. "My name's-"

"State yer business, stranger!" Lady Sledgehammer took a gun off her belt that resembled Harley's own popgun.

"Now hold up there, doll." the Pale Horseman stepped closer to Lady Sledgehammer. "I recognize this pretty little thing."

"Oh, thank you." Harley smiled.

"She was that gal who served us down at the saloon." said the Pale Horseman. "But that leaves just one question… What's she doin' here?"

"Yeah! You tryin' to steal my man?" Lady Sledgehammer's grip on her gun tightened.

"Now hold up, miss. I just wanted to talk." Harley put her hands up in the air. "You see, I figured you needed help with, uh, what was his name? Bat-Lash?"

The Pale Horseman motioned for Lady Sledgehammer to put down her gun. "Go on… I'm listenin'."

"I'm not exactly a fan of Bat-Lash either. Always gets in the way of what I want." Harley calmly paced around the room. "You two seem alright, I like you. So I thought I could pitch in. Give it my best shot."

"Darlin', I don't trust 'er…" Lady Sledgehammer mumbled.

"Patience, dear." the Pale Horsemen whispered back. He put his attention back towards Harley. "Tell ya what, I ain't the type to reject free help. So you can come to town with my 'n my special lady and help us out. If you're useful, I'll get'cha a reward. If you ain't, you die."

"Don't worry Mr., uh, Mr. Horseman. I'll prove myself." Harley saluted him.

"That's great. Now you go downstairs for a moment." the Pale Horseman gestured for Harley to leave the room. "Me 'n my gal got some things we need to discuss."

Harley rapidly nodded with a great amount of enthusiasm and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. She went down the stairs and stayed there for what felt like far too long. From downstairs, she was still able to hear the Pale Horseman and Lady Sledgehammer arguing but eventually, their voices went down to a calmer level.

Harley perked up when she heard a pair of footsteps coming down the stairs towards her. Lady Sledgehammer and the Pale Horseman descended the stairs and stopped in front of Harley.

"Alright missy, let's go. Horses are 'round back." Lady Sledgehammer told her. "You'd better not mess up."

Harley nodded as she was led out of the house by the two outlaws "Don't worry. I've done this kinda thing before. Well, not horse riding. But fighting the law, I do that."

"Hmmph, that's good." the Plae Horseman looked over his shoulder at Harley. "Ya got a name, girlie?"

"Everyone calls me Harley."

"We gotta give ya a catchy nickname. Harley sounds kinda like _harlot…_ "

"I don't think I like-"

"We're gonna call you the _Red Harlot_." the Pale Horseman broke out in a fit of hysterical laughter. Even as a cowboy, he still laughed like the Joker Harley knew.

Before Harley had a chance to object to her new nickname, they arrived behind the house where a trio of horses made entirely out of metal were kept.

"Hop on." Lady Sledgehammer climbed upon the horse. "We gots us a lawman to go squash."

*******

In the time it took to travel between the hideout and the town proper, Harley wished she could've gotten to know Earth-18's Joker a little more. But the entire ride there she was more focused on not falling off her mechanical horse. Add to that the fact that Lady Sledgehammer was talking the Pale Horseman's ear off the whole time and that they were both a good yard ahead of Harley for the most part. Overall, not a good experience for Harley.

But eventually, after the sun had gone down, the three of them arrived in town.

"Ah, home sweet home. Eh, darlin'?" Lady Sledgehammer remarked.

"So, what're we supposed to do to draw out this Bat-Lash guy?" asked Harley.

"S'easy. Gotham ain't that big a city. So all we gotta do to draw him out is make a lotta noise." the Pale Horseman unsheathed his gun and pointed it in the air. "Come out wherever you are, Bat-Lash!"

After the last ring of gunshot died down the three were left in silence. But after just a moment, the sound of hoofbeats picked up near them.

"Oh boy, here it comes." Lady Sledgehammer reached for the mallet that had been dangling from a strap on her horse.

The hoofbeats got closer and out from a dark alley galloped another mechanical horse. The horse stopped in front of Harley's trio. Once the horse was still, Harley got a better look at its rider; Bat-Lash.

The man known as Bat-Lash looked very different from Batman. He seemed much younger and had short blond hair under a clean white hat. Somehow, Bat-Lash had managed to keep all of his clothes clean. On him, he wore a red and yellow shirt, pristine white gloves, a belt with many pouches, spotless blue jeans, and brown boots which seemed to be where all the dirt that should have been everywhere else accumulated.

Bat-Lash adjusted his hat and looked at the three outlaws ahead of him with his piercing green eyes. "Well shucks, were y'all makin' that noise just for me?"

"Sure was." the Pale Horseman reholstered his gun. "It's been a while since me 'n my gal tried this. We got someone new in our gang too." he looked at Harley. "We call her the Red Harlot."

Harley rapidly shook her head. "I didn't sign off on the name."

"Doesn't matter who you are. The law catches up with you in the end." Bat-Lash reached at his guns as well.

"Let's dance, Batty-Boy!" a psychotic smirk took over the Pale Horseman's face.

Just when it seemed like the inevitable clash between the two parties was about to begin, something interrupted it. Enlarged brown roots shot up from the dirt and wrapped around the legs of Bat-Lash's mechanical horse.

" _What?!_ " Bat-Lash cried out in surprise. "This is an ambush!"

The roots pulled down on the horse and Bat-Lash leaped off of his mount as it fell down. He landed on his side but was fast to get himself back on his feet. As he recovered, three figures stepped out of the shadows around him.

Bat-Lash looked around at the three people coming out at him. "Tumbleweed… Doc Enigma… The Buzzard… Figured it was only a matter of time 'til y'all worked together."

Doc Enigma chuckled. "That's right, Bat-Lash. Tonight will be your final-"

The Pale Horseman shot off his gun which interrupted Doc Enigma and knocked his hat off with the bullet.

"No!" the Pale Horseman roared. His horse trotted closer. " _I'm_ the only one who can kill Bat-Lash."

"Oh, stay outta this." Tumbleweed's eyes narrowed at the Pale Horseman. "Doc wanted you on our side, but you said no."

"Because Bat-Lash's death belongs to _me_ and only _me_!" the Pale Horseman got down from his horse. "Lady Sledgehammer, Red Harlot, get down here!"

Harley got off of her horse followed by Lady Sledgehammer. Both women approached the Pale Horseman.

"Sledgehammer, Harlot, you take care of the other outlaws. Keep 'em distracted while I fight Bat-Lash on my on. Man to man." the Pale Horseman instructed.

"Anything for you, darlin'!" Lady Sledgehammer raised her mallet above her head and straight at the Buzzard.

"Me too Mr. Horseman! But, uh, let's really talk about a new name for me." Harley ran off at Doc Enigma.

In the process of drawing nearer to Doc Enigma, the outlaw drew a gun. Noticing this, Harley tried to jump in the air but instead, her foot snagged on her dress. The shot from Doc Enigma's gun missed completely but Harley still ended up face down in the dirt.

"Stupid dress…" Harley flipped herself over and grumbled. "Lemme just…" she grabbed the hem of her dress and ripped the cloth to give her legs some more mobility. "There we go! Up 'n at 'em!" discarding the torn piece of the dress, Harley ran straight at Doc Enigma.

Doc Enigma raised his gun again and prepared to fire. But before his fingers could squeeze the trigger it was kicked right out of his hands by Harley.

"Gotta be quicker there." Harley smirked.

While Doc Enigma to be momentarily stunned by Harley's swiftness, she took the opportunity to kick him in the chest twice and smack him across the face once. Doc Enigma collapsed to the ground.

"I've never seen anyone move so fast…" Doc Enigma wheezed.

"There are more ways to fight than just guns you know." Harley kicked Doc Enigma in the face with the intention of knocking him out. She smiled at her handiwork but had very little time to enjoy it when roots started to wrap around her arms and legs. "Uh oh... " the roots turned Harley around until she faced Tumbleweed.

"Howdy." Tumbleweed's vision honed in on Harley's face. "Tssk, s'bad enough that Lady Sledgehammer's workin' with the Horseman. Now he's got you in his trap."

"He's a funny guy; real nice when you get to know him." Harley kept up a casual tone while attempting to break free from her bindings. "Wish he'd stop calling me a harlot though."

"Listen, whoever you are, ya gotta be like me. The Horseman, he ain't-" an expression of shock and pain came over Tumbleweed and the sound of something like two coconuts being smashed together became audible.

Tumbleweed fell over and standing right behind her was Lady Sledgehammer, her mallet apparently having just hit the redhead from behind.

"Hate to do it to ya, Tumbleweed. Yer a nice lady. But I can't have nobody interruptin' my darlin'." Lady Sledgehammer sighed.

The roots around Harley loosened, letting her fall to the dirty. "Thanks, I owe you one." she staggered back up to her feet.

"I already took out the Buzzard. Now we can focus on my darlin' and Bat-Lash." Lady Sledgehammer turned around and walked back to where the Pale Horseman and Bat-Lash were fighting.

Harley approached the area and saw that the Pale Horseman appeared to be winning. Bat-Lash lay on the ground, a coating of dirt all over his once clean clothes. The Pale Horseman straddled his body and kept his hands over his face, thumbs pressing down on his eyes. The goal appeared to be gouging said eyes out.

"I'm gonna miss ya when yer gone..." the Pale Horseman muttered. "But ya know what I ain't gonna miss? Your stupid goddamn insistence on not usin' yer gun!"

The Pale Horseman was brought out of his bloodlust when Bat-Lash summoned up his remaining strength to grab his gun and used said firearm to pistol whip the man trying to kill him. This produced a loud crack against the Pale Horseman's head and made him fall over to his side, completely unconscious.

"Darlin'!"

"Puddin'!"

Bat-Lash stood up and dusted himself off while at the same time Harley and Lady Sledgehammer rushed at him.

"It ain't guns I got a problem with." Bat-Lash grinned. "It's shootin'. Ya gotta be creative."

"Nobody hurts my darlin' like that!" Lady Sledgehammer seethed with rage as she raised the hammer higher.

Bat-Lash sidestepped Lady Sledgehammer and socked her in the jaw. Once she had hit the ground Bat-Lash straightened his hat and smiled. "Ma'am, I don't believe in hittin' women but in my defense, you were about to kill me."

Harley stumbled to a stop a few feet in front of Bat-Lash and tried to speak. "Erm… Would you hit me?"

"Are you planning to kill me?"

"Nuh- Not anymore. I surrender."

"Great. Now you sit somewhere while I get these fellas tied up." Bat-Lash took a length of rope out from his belt and went towards the Pale Horseman's unconscious body.

Harley nodded in response to Bat-Lash's request and sat down on the porch of a general store. She watched Bat-Lash for a few moments while he tied up the defeated outlaws and waited for him to be turned away from her.

"Hey, Bat-Mite, I'm ready to get outta here." Harley whispered.

This time around, Bat-Mite didn't bother making a physical appearance. Instead, a circular portal opened up beneath Harley causing her to fall through it. Harley screamed but the portal closed itself up once she was all the way through.

However, her screaming made Bat-Lash look behind him and see that Harley had disappeared. "Aw hell, where'd she go?"

*******

Harley stopped screaming when she realized she was no longer falling and yet had not hit the ground. She opened her eyes and saw she was back to floating inside the expanse of pure blue that Bat-Mite loved to drop her in.

"Oh, great, here again…" Harley maneuvered her body until she was in a sitting position and eye-to-eye with Bat-Mite. "At least I'm not getting so travel sick anymore."

"And how was the Earth-18 experience, Harley?" Bat-Mite smiled.

"Well… I'm sure glad I live in modern times now. Don't think I could survive the old west for too long." Harley said. "I'm glad me 'n Mr. J are happy in this world. Even if that world's weird cowboy Batsy beat 'em."

"I'm glad you liked it. It was either I take you to this or the pirate Earth. Westworld or Waterworld if you will." Bat-Mite said.

"I don't know what either of those are." Harley squinted at Bat-Mite.

"You should really watch more movies."

"No thanks, if they're not comedies I'm not interested. Just take me to the next Earth."

"If you insist. We am not going to Earth-29 next."

Harley stared at Bat-Mite, completely confused by his phrasing. "I'm sorry, what're you sayin'?"

"We're going to the Bizarro Universe!"

"Bizarro what now?" the blueness around Harley began to warp and change once again. "Ah jeez, here we go again…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun making wild west versions of the Bat Rogues in this chapter. The next chapter takes place on Earth-29 which, like Bat-Mite said, is the Bizarro Universe where everyone is a zany backwards version of themselves. Kinda like a less serious version of Earth-3 (The Crime Syndicate universe). Can't think of much else to comment on regarding the story so that about does it for this note.


	6. Earth-29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took longer to write than I had expected and somehow also ended up shorter than predicted. Oh well, hope it's at least good. Anyway, this chapter takes place on Earth-29; the Bizarro Universe. In the main comics, as you may know, Bizarro is an imperfect clone of Superman created by Lex Luthor. But on Earth-29, everyone is a Bizarro version of their counterparts. Basically, they act like the opposite of what they are in the main universe and constantly say the opposite of what they mean. I hope I explained that okay. If not, I may have very well made things more confusing.

After seeing a world where she was a cowgirl outlaw, Harley thought things couldn't get weirder for her. But it appeared that she thought wrong. Bat-Mite had teleported him and her several thousand miles above a planet that resembled Earth in terms of the shape of the continents. However, the planet Harley hovered above was a perfect square. Taking a look around, Harley saw that the moon was also cubed and appeared to be made out of cheese.

"Alright, where am I now!?" Harley exclaimed in confusion.

"Earth-29. Known to the locals as Htrae-92." explained Bat-Mite.

"Did you say heat ray?"

" _Heh-tray_. It's Earth spelled backwards. You see, on Earth-29 everything is zany and backwards; the opposite of what it is on most other worlds. Would you like to go down."

"Yes please!" Harley nodded repeatedly. "Bein' this high up is starting to give me a fear of heights."

"No problem, coming right back down." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers, causing a shroud of smoke to form around him and Harley.

When the smoke went away, Harley stopped floating and she slammed into a cold stone ground. "Ow… Not fun…"

She stood up and looked around and saw she was inside. It looked a lot the comedy club her and Joker had been living out of only somehow a lot messier. Random comedy props were strewn about the room without any sense to them.

"Sheesh, and I thought my place back home was badly kept." Harley strolled around the disorganized room. "So this is where me and Mr. J live in this world, huh?"

"Pretty much." Bat-Mite remarked. "Now, I'll be going. I think you can handle it from here. Have fun meeting you. Remember, call on me if you need help." he then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Thank goodness, I thought he'd never leave." Harley turned around and continued to wander around through the comedy club. As she continued through the club, she heard the faint sounds of a woman crying. "Huh… Alright, now that sounds interesting."

Harley walked further into the club with the sound of sobbing getting louder. Soon, Harley came to a door in the club that the crying seemed to be coming right from behind. She turned the doorknob and entered the room where she immediately saw the source of the crying.

"Oh… Another me. I shoulda known."

The weeping continued despite Harley announcing her presence. Harley got a good look at her alternate self. She had same jester suit but the side that was red on the original Harley's costume was black and the side that was black was red. Additionally, the big jester tails seemed much floppier, drooping down to the side of her head. The Earth-29 Harley was seated in a chair, facing away from Harley and crying.

"Um… Hey there, uh, Harley. My name's also Harley. Can we talk?" Harley got close to her doppelganger and placed a hand on her shoulder.

The other Harley turned back around the appearance of her face was enough to cause the original Harley to jump back slightly in surprise. The Earth-29 Harley had her domino mask on slightly askew and a few tufts of blonde hair stuck out from under her hood. But that was far from the strangest part of her appearance. Her skin was grey and looked like it had a coarse texture to it; almost like she was a zombie. The alt-Harley's eyes were full of tears.

"Me am happy! Me am very, very happy!" shouted the alternate Harley.

The original Harley had no idea how to react to this strange looking version of her but tried to say something anyway. "Uh… What is your name?"

Earth-29's Harley sprung up from her chair. "Me am Bizarrley Quinn! Goodbye! Very bad to meet you!"

"Um, hello. You seem very excited. Why're you crying?" asked Harley.

"Me not crying! Me am laughing!" Bizarrley jumped up and down. "Me laughing because Mr. J love Bizarrley and them not have argument."

"Huh? What're you saying? I don't get it." said Harley.

"Oh! Me not understand!" Bizarrley nodded. "You am speak backwards like Mr. J. Hahaha! Me won't try to speak your language..."

"What?"

"Hello… You am- Are, my friend…" Bizarrley spoke slowly, like what they were learning a second language. "There! Did me do bad? Er, good?"

"I… I don't know what's going on." Harley backed off from her topsy-turvy counterpart. "Can we just sit down and talk?"

"No!" Bizarrley suddenly exclaimed. "Uh, me mean, yes. Me am… Going to sit down with you… Somewhere…"

Harley allowed this backwards counterpart of herself to lead her out of the room. Like with the female Joker on Earth-11, Harley was too confused to pay much attention to what was happening around her. Bizarrley Quinn led Harley to what you could call a living room. The furniture was heavily torn up and a brick had been thrown into the TV screen. When Harley began paying attention again, she was seated on the couch with Bizarrley next to her with her feet on the sofa in an odd crouching position.

"So… Who am you?" Bizarrley pointed at Harley Quinn.

"I'm Harley Quinn, you from another dimension. I know it sounds crazy but-"

"Everything crazy on Bizarro World. Me am not minding."

"Right… So, uh, _Bizarrley_ … What's your story?"

Bizarrley clapped her hands together. "Bizarrley wanted you to ask that! Me am have such an interesting story to tell!"

Harley scooted away from Bizarrley on the couch, growing increasingly concerned about the woman next to her. "Go on…"

"Me used to be plain old Bizarrleen Quinzel. Another insane unlicensed quack working at Ark-Ham Asylum…" Bizarrley began. "But then, Bizarrley meet Jokezarro! Sanest man on Htrae!"

"Sanest?" Harley asked. "Is that you talking backwards again?"

"No! Mr. J one of only sane people on Htrae!" Bizarrley lay back on the couch. "He terrible! Uh, amazing! Jokezarro only man who can make sense of world. He talked backwards though, that made Jokezarro hard to understand."

"And where's Mr. J now?" asked Harley.

"He am still here!" tears started to come from Bizarrley's eyes. "No… Sorry, backwards… Uh, he left the house… He call Bizarrley stupid… That would be good, but Jokezarro always talks backwards…"

"And where's he now?"

"Jokezarro always go to meet friends that aren't Harley. Probably Face-Two."

"Face-Two? Jeez, this place is weird." Harley whispered to herself. "Uh, alright Bizarrley. You can't just sit around and cry. If ya want Mr. J to notice you, you gotta _make him_ notice you. Go over to him and tell him how you feel!"

"Hmm… Sounds like a bad idea." Bizarrley smiled. "I mean, uh, opposite of bad…"

"Don't worry, I know what'cha mean. C'mon Bizarrley, let's go meet your Mr. J!"

Bizarrley jumped up from the couch. "I hate you so much, Harley Quinn!"

"Uh, I hate you too, big girl." Harley slowly stood up.

"Jokezarro left car here with so that means we do not have to walk."

"Well, that sure is good to hear."

*******

Ten minutes later, Harley was walking down the street with Bizarrley Quinn in front of her. She had spent way longer than she'd like to admit wondering when they'd get to the garage before she realized Bizarrley had been talking in opposites again.

"Do you know how much longer 'til we get to Two-Face- I mean, Face-Two's place."

"Uh… Me don't know. It's very close to us though."

"And was that an opposite?"

"No."

Harley opened her mouth to ask if that was an opposite as well but she decided she'd be there all if this line of questioning continued. Instead, she kept quiet as they carried on down the street all while Bizarrley rambled on about her life.

"We should also visit friend Bizarro-Ivy! She loves plants which is why she not set them on fire all the time!" Bizarrley cheered.

"You've gotta keep calm, okay. You might attract some _unwanted attention_." Harley whispered to her Earth-29 equivalent.

"We need to worry about Batzarro and his family." Bizarrley nodded. "Them am very smart and competent fighters."

"So they're dumb and incompetent fighters?" asked Harley.

"Oh… Yes… You am speaking in opposites... " Bizarrley remembered. "Yes, them am very dumb and am not threats to us. They am funny people!"

"Well, I'm sure this Batzarro fella's gonna be a lot easier to fight than my Batsy." Harley said. "Now I kinda wanna meet him!"

_"You am saying good things about us!"_ a gruff voice called down from above.

"Hooray, Batzarro am here!" Bizarrley clapped her hands together. "My best friend!"

Harley and Bizarrley looked up at the buildings above them and saw two figures standing in the shadows on the ledge. The two figures jumped out of the shadows and landed in front of the two Harleys.

First was the man who Harley presumed to be Batzarro. He had a much bulkier physique, like part of Batman's muscle had been replaced with fat. The batsuit he wore was of much poorer quality than his multiversal counterparts. Much like with Bizarrley, his skin was grey and appeared to have the texture of sandpaper.

Next to Batzarro stood a young boy with the same grey, coarse skin dressed in a low quality Robin outfit. His mask was askew, boots and gloves were oversized, and his hair looked like a large mop. Around his neck was a big stone pendant with the words "Robinzarro #4.5" chiselled into it.

"Hahaha! More law abiding citizens for Robzarro and Batzarro congratulate!" Batzarro cheered.

"Hug them!" shouted Robzarro.

"My parents are alive!" screamed Batzarro as he and Robzarro charged at both Harleys.

Harley and Bizarrley jumped to the side as Batzarro and Robzarro got closer to them. This caused the Bizaro-Dynamic Duo to keep running and crash into a wall.

"See, them am not smart." Bizarrley remarked. "Me am going to take care of them now." she took out her mallet and calmly strolled up to Batzarro and Robzarro. "Hello, friends!"

Robzarro stood up from where he crashed first. "Me will share ice cream with you!" he struck a fighting pose.

"Thank you!" Bizarrley hit him in the face with the hammer. She moved on over to Batzarro and bopped him on the back of the head before he could stand up. "Hahaha! I love you so much!"

Bizarrley turned around and giddily skipped back over to Harley. "That was boring!"

"Right, yeah, boring… Let's just go find Mr. J and hope those two aren't gonna bother us." Harley grabbed Bizarrley by the hand and led her further down the street.

"We am…" Bizarrley struggled to think of the words. "Friends!"

"Yeah, I guess we are…"

Much to Harley's surprise, very little happened on her walk to meet Earth-29's Joker. Harley had adjusted to the strange architecture of the dimension and all the streets seemed to be empty.

Eventually, Bizarrley stopped the two of them in front of a condemned apartment building with conspicuous graffiti on the front door that read "NOT A SECRET HIDEOUT".

"So is this is it?" asked Harley.

"Yep, yep, yep!" Bizarrley cheered. "They always lock door so we can't get in."

"Right, so I can open the door." Harley grabbed the doorknob and pushed but the door wouldn't budge.

"I told you the door am locked." Bizarley said. "Don't worry, Bizarrley will jump through window."

"Wait, wha-"

Bizarrley backed up and jumped forward into the building's window before Harley could finish talking.

"Me am in great pain!" Bizarrley's voice echoed inside. "Which means me am okay, to you!"

"Heh, great job Bizarrley." Harley cautiously went up to the broken window and climbed through.

She stepped on to the floor of the abandoned building where Bizarrley was still lying; covered in broken glass and laughing to herself.

"Uh, you okay?" Harley reached a hand out towards Bizarrley. "Remember, I talk, um, _backwards_."

"Bizarrley am feeling fantastic!" Bizarrley got up from the floor. "Follow me, other-Bizarrley! We am looking for Mr. J!" her declaration out of the way, Bizarrley strutted off further into the apartment.

"Hey, wait up!" Harley stumbled after her strange counterpart. She rushed straight into the next room and cannoned right into the back of Bizarrley. "Whoa, careful! Why did ya stop?"

Harley looked away from Bizarrley and saw two men on a couch who she could only presume were Jokezarro and Face-Two. The Earth-29 Joker looked somewhat like the man Harley knew. He had the same rough skin as the other Bizarros but his skin was pale instead of grey. Unlike everyone else Harley had meant, Jokezarro seemed to take care of himself; having heavily gelled hair and a suit that seemed shiny somehow.

Two-Face, or Face-Two as he was called in this dimension, had half his head appear to be the typical deformed Bizarro while the other half looked like a regular human from Harley's world. His suit and hair reflected this discrepancy as well, half being well put together like Jokezarro and the other half the usual dishevelled look Harley had become accustomed to on this world.

Both Face-Two and Jokezarro stared at Bizarrley and Harley, not sure what to make of them. Bizarrley chose to make things less awkward by talking.

"Pudding! Me am very upset to see you!"

"Hey, are there two of your gal in this room right now or am I seeing things?" Face-Two glanced over at Jokezarro.

"Unfortunately Harvey, your eyes are in perfect working condition. It seems my moronic romantic partner has somehow found a more attractive doppelganger." Jokezarro stood up from the couch and approached the women.

"More attractive? Thank you." Harley remarked. "Hold up, why're you two talking normal?"

"You have some explaining to do to as well, my girl." Jokezarro leaned in towards Harley. "Who are you? And why is you skin… So smooth, almost perfect."

"Y'see Mr. J, I'm Bizarrley but from another dimension. Name's Harley. I know it's hard to believe-"

"No, it's happened before. Some fellow calling himself Superman crashed here a while back." Joker explained. "Didn't meet him but nobody around here would shut up about it for weeks. It nearly drove me insane again."

"Wait, Superman was here?" Harley asked.

"Don't get off topic now." Jokezarro told her. "Why are you here?"

"Got teleported here by a magical imp."

"And you visited me, why exactly?"

"You broke Bizarrley's heart, Mr. J!" Harley gestured over to Bizarrley.

"Me am very happy!" Bizarrley exclaimed.

"This is why I don't want to spend time with her. The woman's an idiot." Jokezarro stated.

"Me am very smart!"

"Shut up!"

"But Puddin', don'cha care about love?" Harley put a hand on Jokezarro's shoulder. "Bizarrley wants to be just like you."

"Bizarrley want to be sane!" Bizarrley jumped up and down.

"Hey, uh, I think I'll be out for a while." Face-Two spoke up. "Seems like you're going through some personal stuff. My Bizarro half's about to take over anyway."

"Yes, yes, fine. Go." Jokezarro waved a hand over towards Face-Two as he left the room. He then looked back at Harley. "Now, please repeat your logic back to me."

"Sure thing, Puddin'." Harley nodded. "Bizarrley here is a big lost puppy dog and you'd have to be a real jerk not to take care of her."

"Me am a kitty cat!" shouted Bizarrley.

"You see, this is exactly why I don't like her." Jokezarro remarked. "I never told her to break me out of Ark-Ham. And now she just won't leave."

"Because I hate you!" Bizarrley went in and hugged Jokezarro. "Hate, hate, hate you so much!"

"Bad Bizarrley… Stop…" Jokezarro choked out as Bizarrley squeezed him.

"Looks like you're both a happy family again!" Harley went in and hugged the both of them.

"I swear to god you both had better let me go…" Jokezarro mumbled. "One of her was bad enough."

Both Harley and Bizarrley let go of Jokezarro at his request.

"So you am still angry at me?" Bizarrley asked.

"No Bizarrley, I'm not. I always forget that you're worse when you're sad." Jokezarro remarked. "So we're together again I suppose."

"Now can we take a vow of celibacy together? To celebrate!" Bizarrley jumped up and down once more.

"If it gets you to shut up, fine." Jokezarro grumbled, taking Bizarrley by the hand. He briefly turned to Harley and glared at her.

"So Mr. J, do ya wanna talk for a bit?" asked Harley. "I know we just met but back on my world-"

"Unfortunately, no. As you can see, I have my hands full." Jokezarro briefly glanced back at Bizarrley. "Now do me a favour and scamper back off to whatever world you came from."

"But Mr. J-"

"Quiet, you're not even the real Bizarrley." Jokezarro looked into Bizarrley's eyes. "Alright, now let go of me."

"Yay! We am going to have fun!" Bizarrley let go of Jokezarro. The happy couple walked past Harley and into another room.

Now alone, Harley kept quiet with only her thoughts to entertain her. "Wow, nothing here makes any sense."

_"You ready to leave?"_ the familiar voice of Bat-Mite spoke up behind her.

Harley whirled around to look at the little floating man. "Stop doing that! It freaks me out."

"I get that a lot."

"Anyway, yeah, I'm ready to bust out of this joint. Everyone here's nuttier than a fruitcake. 'Cept for Mr. J. Which is too bad, 'cause him being a screwball is what I love about him."

"So I take it you did not like Earth-29?" Bat-Mite floated closer to Harley.

"Yeah, I ain't a fan." Harley nodded. "Bizarrley was an okay lady. Kinda gave me a taste of what it'd be like to have kids in a weird way… I'm definitely not ready to be a mommy yet."

"Great. Now Harley, I'm going to give you some choices on where to go next." Bat-Mite began to float in circles around Harley's head. "Pick any number between zero and fifty-one. Oh, except the ones we visited already."

"Alright, I like having some choices." Harley tapped her foot and thought of the possibilities. "Twenty-two."

"Ooh, can't do Earth-22." Bat-Mite abruptly stopped floating in circles.

"And why's that?" asked Harley.

"Well the Joker's pretty dead for starters and I don't think you exist on that world."

"Mr. J's dead?"

"Yeah, he got killed by some guy called Magog. Don't worry, he deserved it. Anyway, pick another number."

"Fine, how's thirty-two sound?"

"Earth-32, eh? Sounds fun!" Bat-Mite snapped his fingers and the details of Bizarro World became blurred and unclear.

"Oh no…" Harley groaned, stumbling around. "If I don't hurl before the end of this trip I'll be surprised..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are just some notes I have on this chapter. The Bizarro-Robin having a pendant that said "4.5" on it was a reference to me not being sure if he should be counted as the fourth or fifth Robin since it feels like people (Including me) tend to forget that Stephanie Brown was a Robin. Bizarro-Joker's line about Superman visiting is a reference to an issue of action comics that came out in 2015. And of course, the line about Earth-22 and Joker being dead is a reference to the famous Elseworlds story Kingdom Come. The next chapter takes place on Earth-32. The best way to describe hat dimension is that it's sort of like a fusion world where every character is a combination of two other characters from the main universe.


	7. Earth-32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're now on the second-to-last chapter (Not counting the epilogue I have planned). This chapter takes place on Earth-32 which can best be explained as a Fusion Universe where all the people are combinations of characters from the main universe. So you get characters like Wonderhawk (Wonder Woman and Hawkman), Super-Martian (Superman and Martian Manhunter), and Aquaflash (Aquaman and the Flash). That's about all the information I have on the Earth for this chapter.

The world around Harley was an unfocused blur, she grabbed around in an attempt to stabilize herself. She staggered a few steps back and fell over just as the world became more solid again. Harley had been transported into a large empty warehouse from the looks of things. The sun had gone down outside, making the interior of the building hard to see in through the darkness.

"Hey Bat-Mite… You got any more soda water?" Harley slowly stood up from the ground. "I'm not feelin' so good."

"Coming right up." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers. A cup of mineral water appeared in Harley's hands.

"Thanks a million." Harley took a sip of her soda water. The drained the cup which vanished into thin air after all the liquid was gone. "You still freak me out, you know that?"

"Says the woman in love with a psychotic clown."

"Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it." Harley frowned at Bat-Mite. "Look, can you just explain where we are now?"

"Sure can." Bat-Mite floated a few inches higher. "This is Earth-32, the Fusion Universe. Here, everyone is some combination of people from Earth-0. For example, Batman in this world is fused with the Green Lantern and uses his power ring and detective skills to fight crime as the Bat-Lantern."

"Ooh, sounds interesting. What's Mr. J like?" Harley smiled.

"Well in this world, he's former district attorney Harvey Napier. But after getting chemicals thrown in his face during a court case he developed a psychotic alter ego, becoming Joke-Face!" Bat-Mite explained.

"So Mr. J's also Harvey in this world? Huh? I ain't sure how I feel about that…" Harley tilted her head at Bat-Mite. "What about me? Are me 'n Ivy the same person in this world? That'd be pretty cool."

"Surprisingly, you're not fused with her in this world." Bat-Mite said. "Actually, the Earth-32 Harley is nearby right now."

"Oh, really?" Harley smiled, now standing on her tiptoes to get closer to Bat-Mite. "Can I meet her."

"If you want, I just have one slight warning. In this world, the person you're fused with is-"

Bat-Mit was unable to finish his sentence when something smashed into the wall they were both next to from the outside, collapsing it. Harley dodged the debris and threw herself to the ground.

"Ugh... What'd you teleport me into this time?" Harley looked up at Bat-Mite, not ready to stand up just yet.

"You and the Bat Lantern are in the middle of a fight." Bat-Mite calmly explained. "Let's play the guessing game. Which one of you is in that pile of rubble?"

"Well, I ain't strong enough to kick Batsy around like that." Harley slowly began the process of standing on. "And if he has one of those lantern rings that makes him even scarier than before. So, I figure Bats is the one who punched me through the wall."

"Let's find out, shall we." Bat-Mite smirked.

Harley got to her feet fully as the rubble started to stir. She stared fixedly at the debris as whoever was beneath desperately tried to crawl out. Bat-Mite's earlier question to Harley was answered when a white-gloved hand with a power ring on it reached out from the pile.

"A ring… So that means I did _that_ to Batsy…" Harley looked back and forth between where Bat Lantern was crawling from the rubble and where Bat-Mite was floating. After repeating this process a few times, Harley stayed looking at Bat-Mite. "Who did you say this version of me's combined with?"

"Oh, no one special…" Bat-Mite coyly trailed off. "Just a little guy called _Bane_."

"Bane… Hold up, I know that name from somewhere. And I don't like it…" Harley thought for a minute, trying to place a face to the name. "Oh, I know who Bane is!" her mood became much less cheery when she realized this fact. "Wait, that isn't good."

A wave of green energy surged out from the Bat Lantern's power ring, clearing out all the rubble. The Bat Lantern looked mostly the same as the Batman Harley knew. Only differences were his sleeves were black while his chest, legs, and cowl were coloured green. Instead of his iconic Bat Emblem, he had the symbol of the Green Lantern Corps on his chest.

The Bat Lantern did not appear to notice Harley just yet. He ignored her, looking out through the hole that had been made in the wall.

"Come back here, Quinzel!" Bat Lantern yelled out to the large hole in the wall. "You haven't taken me down yet."

The sound of slow lumbering footsteps became audible and through the broken wall stepped who Harley presumed to be her Earth-32 counterpart. This world's Harley Quinn was a good foot or two taller than the original and quite a deal beefier. She wore a bodysuit similar to her Earth-12 counterpart only with the sleeves cut out and instead of a jester hat, she wore a red and black mask that covered up the entire face with only holes cut for the eyes. Although, the mask still had the dangly jester tails on it.

"Shouldn't've told me where to find you!" cheered the Earth-32 Harley. Her voice was slightly muffled by the mask. "Now _Harley Bane_ can kill you!"

Bat Lantern's ring began to glow and he hovered off the ground a little bit. "Look at all the destruction you've caused, Quinzel. Stop this now!"

"Now can do, Batsy. Pam and Selina wan'cha captured and if it makes them happy then it makes _me_ happy." Harley Bane took several steps closer.

"Hey… Am I invisible right now?" Harley asked.

"Absolutely not." Bat-Mite replied. "In fact, you might wanna hide."

"Oh… Good to know." Harley immediately dropped herself back to the ground. "So wait, what was this crazy version of me saying about Pam." she crawled behind what used to be part of the wall in an effort to hide herself.

"Right, so, in this universe, you, Ivy, and Catwoman are three of the biggest threats to Gotham." explained Bat-Mite.

"Really? Somehow, I don't believe it." Harley remarked.

"You might wanna get out of here. Being from the future, I have slight omniscience. And let's just say this place gets pretty destroyed."

"Oh… In that case can ya teleport me away?" Harley asked. "Maybe over to, I dunno… Can I go see Red?"

"No problem." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers, causing the destroyed warehouse and features in front of them to warp once more.

"Y'know something, this is getting less freaky now." Harley remarked.

"See, I told you you'd adjust."

"Didn't say it _wasn't_ weird. It's just less _weird_."

The world stopped shifting around until it was a more recognizable shape. More specifically, Harley and Bat-Mite had been transported inside of what appeared to be a greenhouse

"Oh hey, I know this place." Harley looked up at the ceiling, noting the enormous vine coming down through the roof. "Red lives around here. Know where I can find her?"

"You know her better than I do, look for yourself." Bat-Mite replied. "Me, I'll just be watching. Let me know if you need me to swoop in and save you again though." he then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Harley crossed her arms and let out a grumpy huff of air. "I can save myself, thank you. Now where the heck is Red?" she began to wander through the rows of mutated plants in search of Poison Ivy. "She'd better not try to attack me like some of the other ones… That'd be pretty-"

_"Trespasser!"_ the familiar voice of Poison Ivy shrieked from out of Harley's view. A series of roots came out of the ground and coiled around Harley, keeping her in place.

"Oh, not again…"

_"So, what do we have here?"_ Ivy's voice echoed through the greenhouse. _"Explain yourself before I use my fear pheromones."_

"Fear pheromones? Pammie, can you just let me down from here? I'm your friend… Well kinda. Lemme go and I'll explain."

_"Harley? Is… Is that you?"_

Out from the darkness in front of her, an outline that Harley recognized as Poison Ivy became visible. Although, even from the shadows Harley could tell that she was wearing a very different outfit. The Earth-32 Poison Ivy stepped into what little light there was in the room, making herself visible. Instead of her usual leafy attire, this Ivy was clothed much more similar to the Scarecrow. From head to toe, she was covered in somewhat loose fitting burlap which was topped all off with a pointed hat on her head. Vines grew all up and down the burlap.

As this version of Ivy got closer to Harley she slowly removed her mask to reveal an expression of confusion beneath it.

"The face… The voice… You _seem_ like Harley… But you're so… _Small_." the alt-Ivy looked over Harley. "Who are you?"

"I told ya, Red. I'm your friend, Harley Quinn." Harley still tried to squirm free from the plants as she explained this. "Look, I got sent here from another dimension. Believe me or don't, your choice. Could you get me down from here though?"

"Fine." as soon as the alt-Ivy said this the roots around Harley loosened, dropping her.

"Could've made them let me down easier…" Harley mumbled, standing up.

"I still don't entirely trust you." alt-Ivy started to walk away.

Harley scrambled after the alternate-Ivy. "Hey, Pam! Wait up, please?"

"Don't call me Pam. I don't know you…" alt-Ivy glanced over her shoulder at Harley. "Well, this version of you."

"So what can I call you."

"You may refer to me by my alias. _Poisoncrow_."

"Is that really the best you could come up with?"

The alt-Ivy sighed. "My Harley always said the same thing…" she lowered her voice to make an aside to herself. "Speaking of which when is she coming back?"

Poisoncrow and Harley entered what seemed like a living room. It had a couch, a rug, and a few chairs and the walls all had vines growing up and down then. Of course, Harley had known Ivy long enough to not be disturbed by this.

"So, can I sit down anywhere?" Harley looked around the room.

"Sure _'Harley'_ go ahead. I'd like to have a conversation." Poisoncrow sat down on one of the chairs.

"Thanks, Pam. Uh, I mean _Poisoncrow_." Harley went over to the couch and sat down.

"So, you're from another dimension, eh?" Poisoncrow made a pyramid shape with her fingers. "I've always had a passing interest in multiverse theory."

"Yeah, I'm mostly the same back on my world. Used ta work at Arkham, met Mr. J, you're my best friend. 'Cept I never got hopped up on Bane Juice." Harley explained, wildly gesticulating as she went on. "You're about the same. But you don't do the whole scarecrow gimmick. You got kind of a sexy thing going on."

"Interesting… I personally find fear to be a much bigger motivator than sexuality." Poisoncrow crossed her legs. "Even the strongest willed man can bend to my whims thanks to fear."

"Huh… Plants and fear, never woulda thought that'd be a good combination."

"Trust me, they go together just find. Before I was transformed, I wrote many papers on the subject in college."

Neither woman got the chance to pursue the subject any further when a series of loud, enthusiastic knocks were heard from the door.

"Oh, Harley's back." Poisoncrow glanced at Harley. "The other one."

"Yeah, I figured. You should let her in."

Poisoncrow stood up and made her way across the room. Harley sprung up from the couch and hurried after Poisoncrow.

"Do you think I should explain myself to… Uh, myself?" asked Harley.

"I'll do it. The, uh, _Bane Juice_ , as you put it. It makes her very excitable. I understand her the best." Poisoncrow remarked.

"Yeah, my Ivy understands me best too." Harley agreed.

"Take a few steps back. She has very poor spatial awareness." Poisoncrow advised.

Harley stood back and the door swung open, violently slamming into the wall once it was fully opened up. In through the door stepped Harley Bane, looking just about the same as the last time Harley saw him.

"We did it, Pam!" Harley Bane put her arms around Poisoncrow up and lifted the smaller woman up. "Plan worked just like ya said! Batsy was so busy fighting me, he didn't even see Selina sneakin' up behind him."

Harley Bane lifted up part of her mask, uncovering her pale face. She brings her face closer to Poisoncrow and the two of them kissed for a moment.

Seeing this, the original Harley flinched in surprised. "Oh, uh, are you two all… _Kissy-kissy?_ "

"Yes." Poisoncrow bluntly said while she was placed down by Harley Bane. "Please try to sound less awkward." she looked back up at Harley Bane. "Where's Bat Lantern?"

"Who's she?" Harley Bane looked at her alternate self, ignoring Poisoncrow's question.

"I'll tell you if you tell me where Bat Lantern is."

"Oh, right. Selina's got him." Harley Bane looked back out through the open doorway. "Come on in Selina!"

A figure descended low enough to be framed by the threshold. The woman appeared to be Catwoman's Earth-32 equivalent. She wore the same tight black bodysuit as the Catwomen of other places in the multiverse but the entire thing was coloured a bright shade of purple and on her chest and forehead were emblems that resemble stars. Slung over her shoulder was the unconscious body of the Bat Lantern. A purple glow surrounded the alt-Selina as she floated in through the door.

"Hello girls, hope I'm not late." the alt-Catwoman remarked. "Bat Lantern was surprisingly easy to subdue. Nobody escapes the claws of the Cat Sapphire."

"Jeez, what is with the names in this dimension." mumbled Harley.

This comment caused Cat Sapphire to take notice of Harley. "I'm sorry, who is this woman and why is she dressed like a miniature Harley?"

"Apparently, she's Harley but from another dimension." Poisoncrow explained to her associates. "I know it's far fetched, but I believe it. I think I've heard stories about the Justice Titans travelling to alternate realities."

"I wanna help you guys out with Batsy." Harley stated.

"Fun!" Harley Bane clapped her hands together. "We already got some plans for him!"

"Selina, you go set up Bat Lantern in the greenhouse." Poisoncrow glanced at Cat Sapphire.

"Don't worry, I'll keep him nice and secure." Cat Sapphire floated on through the house and back towards the greenhouse.

"Follow me Harley. Both of you. I need to go put my mask back on." Poisoncrow walked off back towards the living room.

Harley Bane lumbered after Poison Crow and Harley hurried after the two of them.

"So what'd you three catch Batsy for?" Harley asked. "Are you gonna kill him?"

"No, no… That would be too simple, brutish. I'd like to conduct an experiment." Poisoncrow made it back to the living room and picked her burlap mask up from off the couch. "Bat Lantern claims to be a man with no fear. But everyone fears something, even him. And I intend to find out what." she pulled the mask over her face.

"Aww, are you covering up your pretty face?" Harley Bane said.

"It's an intimidation tactic, sweetie. We've been over this." Poisoncrow grabbed her pointed hat off the chair and affixed it to her head. "Alright, now we're ready for the fun to begin."

Poisoncrow strolled towards the greenhouse at a leisurly pace. Both Harley Quinn and Harley Bane followed her. As they walked, Harley looked up at her Earth-32 counterpart.

"So, uh, how are things around here?" Harley asked. "You see Mr. J recently?"

"'Course not. Good riddance to that two-faced creep." Harley Bane replied. "I mean, he was nice when Harvey was in charge, but when Joke-Face was in control I didn't like him. Anyway, now I got Pam."

"You should give Mr. J another shot. He ain't so bad back in my world."

"Ah, you're just saying that. Trust me, I used to tell Pammie that same stuff. But ever since she pumped me up with Venom I've barely even thought of Joke-Face."

The conversation was cut short when the three women entered the greenhouse and Poisoncrow chose to talk to them. "Harley, and, erm, other Harley, please pay attention. Don't do anything cute, we're trying to frighten Bat Lantern."

"Don't worry, I know exactly what to do!" Harley Bane cheered.

Poisoncrow led the two of them to the middle of the greenhouse where Cat Sapphire had set up the still unconscious Bat Lantern on a chair.

"Ah, there you are girls. I was getting bored." Cat Sapphire looked over at her associates. "Do we start now?"

"Of course. But first, let's take a few precautions." Poisoncrow held a hand out in front of her. A series of vines erupted from the ground and bound Bat Lantern to the chair. "Someone take his ring off. I wouldn't want that ruining our plans."

"No problem, Pammie!" Harley Bane got closer to Bat Lantern. "I can handle this." she took Bat Lantern's right hand and began pulling on the ring. The ring refused to budge so Harley Bane put more force into her pulling. "Dammit, this thing's one tight!"

"Hmm, it must have some kind of built-in defence against this." Poisoncrow theorized. "Alright, we'll just have to try something else." with a wave of her hand, more vines came up from the ground and wrapped around Bat Lantern's ringed hand. "That should do it. Now the fun really begins. Someone wake him up."

"Oh! I can do it." Harley volunteered. Giggling, she stepped up to Bat Lantern and lightly slapped him on the face. "Hey, wake up! These ladies got some questions for you!"

Bat Lantern slowly regained consciousness. "What… Hrm… Who are you?"

"Let's just say I'm from outta town. Anyway, I'll let these three take it from here." Harley stepped back.

"Thank you. You all follow my lead." Poisoncrow got in closer to Bat Lantern. "Now, Bat Lantern, let's see how well that willpower of yours holds up after a dose of my fear spores." the vines around Bat Lantern released a cloud of yellow pollen into the air. "Go ahead, try to resist. The toxins will find their way into your body."

While Poisoncrow continued her experiment, Harley backed herself up until she was right next to Cat Sapphire.

"So, Selina, what's your story?" Harley asked. "With the glowy stuff, I mean. Back on my world you're just a plain old cat burglar."

"I'm one of the Star Sapphires. You see, we're powered by love. In my case, my love for the Bat Lantern." explained Cat Sapphire.

"Powered by love, huh? I bet I'd be a great Star Sapphire." Harley stared up at the ceiling, caught up in a new fantasy.

"Being a Star Sapphire requires a very mature mind." Cat Sapphire stated. "And if you're anything like Harley Bane, I don't think you'd manage it. No offence."

Harley glanced over at her Earth-32 counterpart who was watching Poisoncrow interrogate Bat Lantern the same way a birdwatcher observes their subjects.

"None taken, I guess." Harley replied.

Poisoncrow turned away from Bat Lantern and approached Harley and Cat Sapphire. "Selina, you're up. He seems to be more resistant to my toxins than anticipated. You may be able to break him since you're more _personally_ connected."

"I'll do my best." Cat Sapphire grinned and got closer to the Bat Lantern.

Once the Cat Sapphire was gone, Harley Bane went up to Poisoncrow and Harley.

"You did great over there, baby!" Harley Bane pushed past Harley and hugged Poisoncrow. "Did you get him to crack? You were doing a lot of whispering."

"Not yet. But before the end of the night we will break the bat." although her mask hid her face, Harley was sure Poisoncrow as grinning. "Now please put me down."

"Oh, right, right, right." Harley Bane set Poisoncrow back on the floor. "Hard to take the criminal mastermind seriously when she's being cuddled."

"It's fine, I don't think he saw. It didn't look like much was getting through to him at all in fact." Poisoncrow glanced back over at Cat Sapphire and Bat Lantern. "I think Selina might need some help, I'm going in there." she confidently walked back towards her victim.

Now without Poisoncrow, Harley looked up at her multiversal counterpart and tried to make some conversation. "So, uh, how'd you get so bulky? I've always been more of an acrobat."

"I used ta be like that too." Harley Bane nodded. "But then, Pam got tired of me getting hurt all the time. So she whipped up a special serum she called Venom. After she gave it to me I got super duper strong. Had to change my whole fighting style, but it was worth it."

"Back on my Earth, Red made me something like that. It made me a little stronger but mostly it means I can hang around her without getting poisoned." Harley took a moment to go over Harley Bane's story. "Did it hurt when you got strong all of a sudden?"

"Took a little getting used to, but nah. Didn't hurt." Harley Bane flexed a bicep. "I'm glad she gave me that Venom, now nobody is able to hurt me."

"Huh, well, I never thought I'd be able to pull off looking muscular. But you certainly make it work."

"Wow, thanks a lot!" Harley Bane put an arm around Harley, squeezing her.

"Heh, that's a bit much." Harley tried to wriggle out of Harley Bane's grip.

"Harley! Get over here!" Poisoncrow yelled. "I think Bat Lantern's about to wake up."

"Wait, which one of us?" Harley asked.

"Both of you! Just hurry!"

Harley Quinn and Harley Bane rushed forward over to where Poisoncrow and Cat Sapphire were gathered around the Bat Lantern. Harley Bane clapped her hands together and looked over Bat Lantern. "So how's our guy doing?"

"So far he's been completely catatonic." Cat Sapphire paused for a moment after saying this. "And Harley, that pun was not intentional, before you ask."

"The point is he's starting to notice us." Poisoncrow gazed directly into Bat Lantern's eyes. "Hello there, how's the Big Bad Bat doing?"

Bat Lantern squirmed and muttered something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry, is my mask disturbing to you?" Poisoncrow gestured to her burlap visage. "Good, that's the idea."

"You won't get away with this, Crane…" Bat Lantern muttered. "I've withstood galactic threats with twice your power."

"Sometimes, my dear Bat, the most terrifying things are those close to your home." Poisoncrow leaned in closer to Bat Lantern.

"Hold on, your last name's Crane?" Harley looked over at Poisoncrow. "Back in my dimension, your last name's Isley."

"Not important right now, Harley." Poisoncrow kept her gaze fixed on Bat Lantern. "I'm trying to set up a certain atmosphere and you're not helping."

"Sorry." Harley Bane replied.

"Wasn't talking to you, sweetie."

"Calling me sweetie isn't very scary."

"Ladies, keep focused." Cat Sapphire spoke up. "He's too quiet for my liking…" she leaned in towards Bat Lantern. "Do you have anything to say, darling?"

"You might want to close your eyes." Bat Lantern looked up at the women surrounding him.

"Wha-"'

An explosion of green light erupted from the Bat Lantern's wrapped up fist. The plants binding him were vaporized and the light disoriented the four women.

Harley rubbed her eyes, hoping this would make her see faster while she backed away from the area. She walked back right into a table that had some plants placed on it. This caused Harley to trip over and knock over the table as well. For several moments, she lay on the floor. After just a couple more seconds, her eyes recovered and she was able to see properly again.

"Sheesh, Batsy's a lot tougher around here." Harley began to stand up at a gradual pace. She got to her feet fully and then noticed the whole room was bathed in green light. "Do I wanna look up?"

Dreading what she'd see, Harley looked up and above her Bat Lantern was floating, emanating a green light. He had burst through the ceiling and near him Cat Sapphire was also hovering. Judging by the occasional bursts and flashes of light, the two of them appeared to be engaged in combat.

"I'll let them sort their differences out by themselves." Harley backed away again, this time taking care not to trip over anything. "Maybe I should leave now…"

_"My… My babies…"_ Ivy's voice weakly trembled from somewhere near her.

"Or maybe not…" Harley swivelled her head around, trying to find Poisoncrow. "I'm coming, Red! Just give me a second." she followed Poisoncrow's voice and soon discovered Ivy's Earth-32 counterpart lying on the ground with her arms around a clump of burnt up vines. "Uh, Red are you gonna be okay?"

"He burned up so many of my beautiful, _beautiful_ plants…" Poisoncrow pulled herself up off the ground and put her arms around Harley's shoulders. "Help me up…"

"Okay, I got you. Don't think I've ever seen Red cry before back home." Harley helped Poisoncrow get back off her feet.

"I'm not crying, I got dirt in my eyes." Poisoncrow claimed, now balancing themselves again. "God, my poor, poor babies. They got destroyed and I didn't even get Bat Lantern to break. Do you know where Harley is?"

"I'm right here."

"The other one."

_"I'm here too!"_

Harley and Poisoncrow noticed Harley Bane enthusiastically barreling towards then. Fearing the potential impact, Harley shut her eyes but to her surprise nothing happened. Opening them up again, Harley saw that Harley Bane had stopped in front of them and wrapped up Poisoncrow in a hug.

Harley Bane pulled her mask partway up and kissed Poisoncrow on the cheek. "You're alive still! Ooh, your mask tickles."

"Here, let me get it out of the way." Poisoncrow pulled off her mask and hat, discarding them to the side. She leaned in and kissed Harley Bane on the lips.

"Well, everything seems to be wrapping up here." Harley paused after she noticed a large flash of purple and green lights. "Mostly."

"Are you saying you're leaving now?" Harley Bane turned to her counterpart, still holding Poisoncrow in her arms. "But I was just starting to have fun…"  
"She doesn't belong her Harley. It's her time to leave." Poisoncrow looked over at the original Harley. "Actually, how do you travel dimensions?"

"I teleport." Harley bluntly stated. "Well actually, this little floating guy teleports me."

"What…"

"I'm serious. I say the word and he gets me out of here, just like that. Watch." Harley cleared her throat and looked up above her. "Hey Bat-Mite, I'm ready to-"

Harley abruptly blinked out of existence with no kind of fanfare at all. Poisoncrow and Harley Bane were left staring at the empty space where Harley once stood.

"You know somethin'... That was pretty anticlimactic." Harley Bane continued to stare at the spot.

"Well, at least we're done here. Now put me down." Poisoncrow looked back at the ground.

_"Girls! I'm in need of some serious assistance!"_ Cat Sapphire's voice echoed down from above.

"On second thought, maybe we're not done." Poisoncrow grinned and turned her attention towards the aerial battle above her. "Let's go Harley, our little spacecop hasn't seen the last of us."

"You got it, Pammie! Batsy won't know what hit 'em!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, I originally had an idea where the people had be combinations of Batman villains and Green Lantern villains. The only one that ended up making it was Cat Sapphire. I considered doing Sinestcrow (Sinestro and Scarcrow) and Larfleeze Quinn (Larfleeze and Harley Quinn) but in the end I decided I didn't know enough about the Green Lantern continuity to make it work. Anyway, next chapter takes place on Earth-44. Which is the Earth where there are no Metahumans. Instead, all heroes and villains are robots.


	8. Earth-44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The setting for this chapter is Earth-44, a universe where that world's Justice League are all robots. From what I could tell in canon, that's all there was to it. But I decided to expand on it further by having every hero and villain either be a robot, a cyborg, or a genius that utilizes technology. That's all the information I have on this universe.

After being sent through six alternate realities, Harley Quinn was really starting to get fed up with Bat-Mite and his multi-dimensional shenanigans. The two of them floated in the middle of the blue void chamber. While Bat-Mite rambled to himself about where to go next Harley lay, or more accurately floated, on her back staring up at the endless blue.

"Hey, Bat-Mite, are we done yet?" Harley asked.

"Hmm, what do you mean?" Bat-Mite floated forward through the void until he was over Harley.

"I'm tired of all these bonkers parallel worlds." Harley sat upright. "I wanna go back to what I know. I miss Red, and Mr. J... I even miss Batman a little."

"Hmm… I don't know… I've been having a lot of fun." Bat-Mite scratched his chin. "Tell you what, this next world is going to be the last one."

"Oh yeah, where are we going now?"

"Earth-44. You see, on this Earth there are no Metahumans. Instead, most superheroes are robots or otherwise empowered through technology."

"That's your grand finale? It doesn't sound too fun."

"Well, I chose this place specifically for you. You see, I think you might like the Joker of Earth-44."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure robo-Joker's a real dreamboat." Harley rolled her eyes. "C'mon, just get this trip over with. I wanna get back to my place."

"Your wish is my command." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers. With this action, details started to fill the blue void.

Noting this, Harley moved to a standing position so she wouldn't fall once Earth-44 materialized. Just like several times previously, the location Harley ended up resembling an abandoned warehouse. The only difference between the previous ones was that this one contained several boxes with metal parts in them scattered throughout the big empty room.

"Okay, lemme guess, Mr. J's hideout." Harley took in the room.

"You're getting the hang of this." Bat-Mite floated in front of Harley's eyes again. "Anyway, you go say hello to him. I'll be invisible again."

"Of course you will." Harley sighed. "Alright, go on."

"Already done." smoke surrounded Bat-Mite, taking him away to wherever he observed everything from.

"Alright, just say hi to Mr. J, maybe Ivy too, and then I get out of this crazy merry-go-round." Harley whispered as she made her way through the warehouse. "Alright, if I was a robot version of Mr. J where would I be? Do robots have to eat… Probably not… Let's start with the bedroom. There's gotta be one of those somewhere."

She walked at a reasonable pace over to where she remembered a bedroom being in one of her old hideouts. Slowly, Harley grabbed the doorknob to where she thought the bedroom was. Although she was a little concerned about what she'd see Harley opened the door nevertheless.

On the other side of the door Harley got a view of the Earth-44 version of the Joker checking himself out in the mirror. Harley froze up in shock and simply stared at this alternate Joker for a few minutes.

That's not to say anything about this Joker was particularly shocking, however. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He looked far too normal. He still wore a purple suit but his skin was nowhere near pale enough. In fact, you could even call it flesh coloured. His hair wasn't green in this world. Instead, it was a much more common dark brown.

Harley stared at the oddly human looking Joker for a couple more moments. The Earth-44 Joker took no notice of her so Harley chose to announce her presence. "Uh, Puddin', it's me. Can we talk?"

With Harley's announcement done, Joker's head swiftly turned towards the source of Harley's voice. He stared at her for a couple of moments, just as shocked as Harley was when she first saw him.

"Harley? My goodness…" the Joker walked across the room towards Harley. He stopped in front of Harley and looked her body over for a moment. "Unbelievable, you're a real flesh and blood woman…" Harley noticed that this Joker's voice sounded exactly like the one on her Earth despite his different appearance.

"I know you probably got a lot of questions, Puddin'. Lemme explain. You see, I'm from another dimension." Harley said. "I've been teleported through the multiverse to meet my boyfriends from other dimensions. Does that make sense?"

"Oh, why not." the alt-Joker shrugged. "World always needs something that doesn't make sense."

"Is there anywhere I can sit down? There's kind of a lot for me to take in here…" Harley remained fixated on Joker's normal looking face.

"Oh trust me, dear. I feel the same." the alternate Joker kept looking Harley up and down. "Let's catch up over a bite to eat. I think I have some Chinese in the fridge."

*******

Although Harley thought alt-Joker's remark about getting food to not be serious she found herself proven wrong when she was eating reheated rice and kung pao chicken. As they ate the food, both of them talked about the relationships they had with their respective versions of each other.

"... And so basically, my Puddin' back home is an amazing, crazy, beautiful clown and you… You just look like some schmoe." Harley paused. "No offence."

"Oh, I understand. Harley, the one from here, she only liked me when I wore my makeup." alt-Joker replied, chewing on some chicken. "I only started using this clown gimmick once the whole _'Red Hood'_ thing got boring. Gave me so much more freedom for my themed-gadgets."

"Uh huh, and the Harley Quinn here was a robot you built?" Harley poked at a large clump of rice on her plate with her chopsticks.

"Yes, I always loved comedy but I was lonely. I needed an Abbot to my Costello, a Laurel to my Hardy. So I built you… Or, I didn't build you… You know what I mean."

"I guess so. Where is she now?"

"I don't know, she stopped being interested in me. Last I checked she ran off with some kind of cyborg plant-person. Doesn't matter, I can always build a new friend."

"Hey, I'm irreplaceable!" Harley exclaimed.

The alt-Joker chuckled in response. "That you certainly are."

"So what's your deal? Why aren't you all crazy?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. Not many sane people like to dress up like clowns and fight robots dressed like bats. Of course, it does take a genius mind to engineer androids like the ones I've built." the alternate Joker smiled.

Harley popped another bite of chicken into her mouth. As she ate, she considered everything she'd learned so far. Out of all the versions of the Joker she'd met, this one, despite his major differences, was, in fact, the least aggressive. Harley did not know if this made her like him more or less than the Joker she had back at home but took it into consideration when she next opened her mouth.

"Hey Mr. J, how about we go find this robo-Harley you were talking about?" Harley suggested, still in the middle of eating.

"It's not a bad idea… I guess I still do miss her." alt-Joker replied. "The only problem is, I have no idea where she is."

"Well that's no problem. I can just teleport us to wherever she is."

"You can do that?"

"Well, I can't. But this little guy who follows me around can. Watch. Come on out Bat-Mite!" Harley threw her arms up in the air but after several seconds Bat-Mite refused to materialize. "Alright… He must be feelin' shy. But the point is, he can teleport us to wherever Harley is." she looked up at the ceiling and scowled. " _And he will._ "

With that rather angry command, the warehouse's features became blurred and warped. This caused Harley to jump up from her chair and cheer. "Ha! I knew he'd do it!"

"Um, what's going on?" the alt-Joker asked.

"We're being teleported to… Uh, somewhere." Harley replied as the fuzzy world around them became more detailed. "Don't worry, no matter where we are we'll be able to say hi to Harley."

Once the world had fully set in, Harley found herself outside of a large building with a huge fence around that resembled a prison.

"Hey Mr. J, where are we?" Harley asked.

"Oh god, I know where we are..." alt-Joker trailed off in horror. "We're outside Belle Reve. And to think, I'm here without my makeup."

"Don't worry, Bat-Mite can fix that."

A cloud of smoke appeared around the Earth-44 Joker and once it cleared he was in full white face makeup, red lipstick, and had a green wig on. "Oh my, that was quite the experience."

"So puddin', what do you know about this place?"

"Belle Reve is one of the most secure prison for super-criminals in the country. I should know, they sent me down here several times." the alt-Joker remarked. "Something never was right about this place. They always had people from the government coming down to visit."

"And now Harley's in here?"

"Yes, it appears so. She most certainly deserves to be out. Let's get in before anyone sees us and-"

_"Alright, freeze!"_ a female voice shouted from behind the two of them. _"I don't know who you are but you are not ruining my day."_

Harley and the alt-Joker turned around but instead of the guard they had been expecting, there was a woman who Harley immediately recognized as being the Earth-44 equivalent of Poison Ivy.

The face and the hair were just the way Harley remembered it but her clothes were different. She wore a bodysuit that covered everything below her neck in what appeared to be a thick layer of skintight moss. On her back were six vines, moving around seemingly on their own like tentacles.

"Pam? Is that you?" Harley asked, stepping closer.

"Oh god, it's the plant cyborg…" mumbled the alt-Joker.

The Earth-44 Ivy's expression changed from anger to surprise as they got closer. "What? Harley? Why are you… Why are you a real woman?"

"She's from another dimension apparently." alt-Joker answered.

"Quiet, clown. You can't-" alt-Ivy cut herself off and replayed what had just been told to her. "I'm sorry, did you say she's from another dimension."

"Sure am!" Harley cheered. "Got teleported here and I figured I'd reunite this Mr. J with this Harley."

"Well you'd better not do that." the Earth-44 Ivy crossed her arms. "Harley loves me now. Which is why I'm breaking her out of here."

"Hey, we're doing the same thing. Maybe we can help each other out here." Harley grinned and looked back and forth between the Joker and Ivy. "What do you say? Help bust the android version of me out of the slammer?"

Ivy tapped her chin for a moment. "Fine. But the Joker had better not try anything."

"Please, Harley's replaceable. I don't know why you care about her so much." Joker looked over at Harley. "No offence. I listen to you since you're actually real."

"I guess I need all the help I can get. It'd be pretty stupid if I got myself captured or killed trying to save Harley." Ivy remarked. "Alright, you two really wanna help me out, huh?"

"Oh, why not." Joker shrugged.

"You bet'cha!" Harley stood on her tiptoes in excitement.

"Then let's get in there!"

The vines protruding from Ivy's back extended and dug into the outer wall of Belle Reve. The stone cracked as the vines burrowed deep into it.

"Ah, I love these things." Ivy smiled as the vines went back, taking a large chunk of the wall out with them. The vines threw the chunk of the wall to the side and Ivy gestured to the hole left behind. "After you."

"Why thank you." Harley casually walked into the prison with Joker and Ivy following her. They had stepped into an empty hallway where an alarm was going off, apparently being triggered by Ivy's destruction of the wall. "Ah, music to my ears. So where do we go now?"

"Oh, don't worry, they'll come to us." Ivy replied. "Come on, let's move."

Harley and the Joker followed Harley down the hall past several cells.

"Hold on, what'd you mean when you said they'd come to us?" Harley asked.

Before Ivy could respond Belle Reve's PA system turned on. _"Attention to all security units! There has been a break in over in the west cell block! All security personnel is to converge here! The Suicide Squad is to be deployed!"_

"Suicide Squad… Now why does that sound familiar…" Harley got lost her own thoughts as she ran after the Joker and Ivy.

"Don't worry, you'll meet them soon." Ivy replied. "And when you do, be ready."

None of this had answered Harley's questions. But things got even further off topic when she felt something hit her in the back of her head. She fell over forwards, causing both the Joker and Ivy to stop and take a look at her.

"You gonna be okay?" Ivy took Harley by the arm and started pulling her up.

"I think so…" Harley murmured. "What hit me?"

The Joker looked at the ground in search of what had hit Harley. "From the looks of it… A boomerang." he picked up a boomerang from the ground.

_"Righto, mate!"_ an electronic, Australian accented voice called out. _"And there are plenty more where that came from!"_

The three of them looked behind them towards where the voice came from and saw who had thrown the boomerang. He was a robot with grey metallic skin wearing a trenchcoat and wool hat. Across his chest was a holster that held many boomerangs on it.

"Name's Cap'n Boomerang. And if you think you can waltz into Belle Reve, then yer in for a world of hurt." the robot's mouth did not open or close as it talked, instead staying fixed in a smug smile.

"Pfft, we can take him. Right gang?" Harley looked back and forth between Joker and Ivy.

"Oh, you might be able to take me, Shiela. But can ya take _all of us?_ " Captain Boomerang replied.

"All of you? What does that mean-"

The wall to the left of them burst down and through the other side stepped a giant green robot with big red eyes and a tail. Along its back was a series of spikes. It appeared its mouth moved more mobile than Captain Boomerang's as it was wide open and contained an array of sharp metal teeth.

"He means us!" the reptilian robot declared.

"Oh, I know him. It's Killer Croc, always wondered what he got up to in his free time." Joker remarked.

"Still two on three, we can take 'em." Harley tried to remain optimistic.

"But it ain't just the two of us." the robotic version of Killer Croc advanced on them.

"You got that right." Captain Boomerang grabbed another boomerang.

Through the hall Croc made in the wall stepped three more metallic figures. The first was a robot its body made of bronze metal and a humanoid body with a few black stripes painted on. Their head appeared to resemble that of a tiger's.

The second also appeared humanoid and had silver and red metal covering them. Their body was featureless except for a large red eye on one side of their face.

The final person in this group Harley instantly recognized as her Earth-44 counterpart. The robo-Harley looked slimmer than her Earth-12 counterpart with nearly sticklike arms and legs. Her body was patterned with the same red and black as the original Harley except for the face which was made of metal painted white. The mask on the android Harley was cartoonishly large and almost expressive.

"Say 'ello to Deadshot, Bronze Tiger and Harley Quinn. 'Course you already know who that last one is." Captain Boomerang remarked. "You seem to already 'ave her replaced."

"Surrender now and maybe Waller will put you on the Squad." Deadshot pointed a fist out at the trio in front of him. "Fight and you'll die. Of course, death might be a preferable alternative."

"Alright, here's the plan." Ivy whispered to Joker and Harley. "I go save Harley. Joker, you take Bronze Tiger and Deadshot. Harley, you've got Deadshot and Boomerang." she looked to her left and to her right and saw that her two associates had already disappeared. "And this is why I work alone."

Joker and the original Harley were running side by side towards the robotic Harley. Said android was frozen in confusion about the strange trio that came to bust her out. The other robots in the Suicide Squad, not so much.

Killer Croc charged Joker and Harley while Deadshot fired off several shots at the two fo them. Deadshot would have killed them, but Croc ended up in front of the bullet's path on his way to trample them. The bullets went into his metallic body and knocked him down.

"Dammit Croc, don't get in the way next time." Deadshot re-aimed his wrist-mounted guns.

Before he could get a shot in, the robotic Harley decided to make her move. Her right arm extended like a telescope and grabbed Deadshot around his throat, holding him to a wall.

"What are you doing!" the tone of Deadshot's electronic voice grew harsh.

"I don't know what's happening! I wanna hear what they have to say!" the robo-Harley exclaimed. She increased her grip on Deadshot and looked ahead as Joker and the human Harley came to a stop in front of her. "Mr. J, why are you here? And does it look like you replaced me?"

"Long story, I'm from another dimension." Harley tried to explain to her mechanical counterpart. "Jeez, it's getting old explaining that."

"What?" the robo-Harley's face changed to a confused expression.

"I don't get it either, but she can teleport. So I just listen to the lunatic and hope she goes away." the Joker adjusted his green wig. "So, ready to get out of here?"

"Nuh-uh, Mr. J. I got new friends. I'm an independent android now." the Earth-44 Harley put her free hand on her hip. "There's absolutely nothin' that'll get me to leave."

_"Harley! You know I really don't like it when your new friends try to kill me!"_

The robotic Harley dropped Deadshot as soon as she heard Ivy's voice. Her arm went back to normal length as she pushed past the Joker and Earth-12 Harley.

"See, this is why I wanted to build a new one." Joker whispered to the human Harley. "Just doesn't care about me."

Earth-44's Harley reached Ivy and the two of the hugged. Ivy wrapped the vines on her back around Harley while the robo-Harley extended her arms to wrap Ivy up in a similar fashion.

"It's so good to have you back, Harley." Ivy kissed Harley on the forehead.

"You too, Red! Gosh, it's times like this I'm glad Mr. J gave me a sense of touch." Harley let go of Ivy.

"Excuse me, does this mean we've got mission accomplished?" Joker walked back over to them with the human Harley following him. "Because I want to go."

"As long as Harley's ready to leave." Ivy put an arm around Harley.

"You bet I am!" the robot Harley cheered, grabbing on to Ivy. "Life on the outside, here I come!"

"Sorry Harley, I think you're forgetting something." Deadshot slowly staggered up from the ground.

"Yeah, you still need to deal with us." Killer Croc got up as well. "Not to mention you got Waller calling the shots."

"Not ta mention the little bomb she's got inside yer noggin." Captain Boomerang entered the room with Bronze Tiger right behind him.

"It's nothing personal, Harley. But if we all want our Responsometeres intact, we can't let you leave." Bronze Tiger got in closer to the group.

"Think we can take 'em?" the robotic Harley asked.

"Oh, I've been up against tougher." Ivy replied.

"Should be easy." the Joker agreed.

"Heh… You know, this isn't really my fight. And I think I left my hammer back in another dimension…" the human Harley trailed off. She stared up at the ceiling. "Bat-Mite, can I go home now!"

"Bat-who?" the robot Harley asked.

Part of Harley wished she could help the Earth-44 versions of herself, Poison Ivy, and the Joker, but most of her wanted to go home. So it came as a great relief when everything started turning blue and fuzzy. In a matter of seconds, everything that was around Harley was gone and she was back inside the void with Bat-Mite.

"And how was Earth-44?" Bat-Mite asked.

"It was kinda weird to see Ivy and Puddin' working together." Harley admitted. "Or see me as a robot lady… I dunno, the whole thing was strange. I don't think I know who those guys who the robo-me worked with were. Hey… Did Pam, Puddin', and me get out okay? You can see everything, can't you?"

"Sure can." Bat-Mite nodded. "And yes, they're fine, mostly. Joker had to walk back to Gotham City on his own but other than that it turned out okay. Now Harley, what world do you want to travel to next?"

"Just one minute buster! You said I could go home." Harley pointed an accusatory finger at Bat-Mite. "And I wanna go home!"

"Are you sure?" Bat-Mite smiled. "There are plenty of amazing worlds out there."

"I don't care. I'm sick of these different versions of Pammie and Puddin'." Harley crossed her arms and scowled. "I wanna see my Red and my Mr. J. Just send me back home!"

"Fine, if you say so." Bat-Mite snapped his fingers. "Next time I should try this on someone else… I wonder what Catwoman is up to? Anyway, forget you ever met me Harley. From now on, I'm just some weirdo who doesn't exist."

Bat-Mite slowly faded into nothingness as the details around Harley filled themselves in. Recognizing the location as somewhere familiar, Harley lay back and smiled; now satisfied almost be somewhere she could call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being shorter than anticipated once again. This isn't the end of the story though, there's still an epilogue chapter that I plan to have up in a day or two. So there's still that to look out for.


	9. Epilogue

Harley Quinn's vision became clear once again. The blurry shapes went away and were replaced by a ceiling and the face of Poison Ivy staring down at her.

"Huh… Red?"

"Oh thank goodness, you've come around."

Feeling around with her hand, Harley realized she was slumped back on a couch. She sat herself up and saw Ivy was leaning in front of her. Harley sat up straight and stared at Harley for a moment or so.

"Whoa, my head's all funny. What happened?" Harley looked into Ivy's eyes, expecting an answer.

"You breathed in fumes from my hallucinatory toxin. It must have been stronger than I anticipated. Or maybe your immunity is wearing off." Ivy theorized. "Either way, I'll have to research this further. Are you feeling okay? You hit your head pretty hard when the fumes made you pass out."

"Yeah I think so… I went on this really crazy journey." Harley slowly stood up from the crouch. "This little guy kept sending me to other dimensions… You were there, and I was there, and my Puddin' was there… And we were cowboys and robots and in one of 'em you were guy and Mr. J was a chick."

"Hmm… Interesting, my hallucinogens were very potent." Ivy remarked.

"Thing is it felt so real." Harley started to pace around. "I could feel things and see things so vividly. It was kinda cool actually."

"You've been unconscious for two hours, Harley." Ivy informed her. "Look, try to get some sleep. I cleared out the guest bed while you were out."

"Gee, thanks. Guess it's back to bed for me, huh?"

"It is very late." Ivy nodded. "Come on, after everything you've been through today it's time for you to get some rest."

"You know Ivy, a lot of the stuff that happened when I was hallucinating. It felt so real. I mean it." Harley put a hand on her own head as she went over the memories she still had of the apparent hallucinations.

"None of it was real, Harley. There's no such thing as alternate universes and we're not robots." Ivy began to lead Harley back over to the guest bedroom.

"Right no such thing." Harely repeated to herself. "Just gotta get some rest… No other worlds out there..."

*******

On Earth-0, Harley and Ivy had not left the Coney Island beach since the Earth-12 version of Harley departed. The sun was beginning to set and both women were well aware of this.

"You know Harley, even by your incredibly bizarre standards today was a little weird." Ivy remarked.

"Meh, maybe for you. I've had weirder happen." Harley shrugged. "I told you I went to Apokolips, right?"

"You've told me several times, yes."

Harley giggled and hugged her girlfriend. "But yeah, I guess you're right, Tulip. Not every day you meet another version of yourself. Unless you're in the Justice League, I bet that's a normal thing for them."

"It's getting kind of late, Harls." Ivy sat up on her beach towel. "Wanna get back to the apartment?"

"Aww do we have to?" Harley grabbed Ivy's arm and tried to pull her back down. "I like it out here."

"Fine, we can stay at the beach." Ivy lay back down on the towel. "As long as you feel good, then I feel good."

"Daww, thanks a lot." Harley hugged Ivy tighter and closed her eyes.

*******

In the streets of New York, on Earth-8, the hunter known as Nimrod and bank robber named the Good Witch had been put in the back of a police van together.

"So, crazy night, eh?" the Good Witch tried to make some conversation.

"Silence." Nimrod muttered. "It's bad enough Blind Justice and that insect put me out of commission. But now I have to share the same space as some delusional princess."

"I'm not a princess. I'm a witch." the Good Witch huffed. "Besides, at least you got taken down by real superheroes. I got taken down by some dumb lady from brooklyn dressed like a clown."

"Just do me a favour and stop talking." Nimrod growled. "I need to focus on my escape."

"Fine. But let me know when you're escaping so I can get out too." the Good Witch replied.

******

The Earth-11 home of one Peter Isley was in ruins after a clash between him, his friends, the Joker, and Batwoman. But in all the confusion, Peter Isley, Harlan Quinzel, and Sebastian Kyle had slipped away while the Joker and Batwoman were fighting. Catman had chosen to leave his two companions and go to his apartment. Peter and Harlan decided to lie low in the woods while they waited for Batwoman to leave the area.

"Tonight was s'posed to be a fun night out with the boys." Harlan sighed. "Stupid Ms. J and her stupid little henchgirl. Who even was that? You buy that alternate dimension story she gave us?"

"No, not one bit." Peter kept on going through the woods in the direction of where he thought his house was. "She was probably just someone else obsessed with the Joker like you were. But you're not like her now, right?"

"Of course not, Petey." Harlan nodded.

"Good, let's go home." Peter leaned in and kissed Harlan on the cheek as they were walking.

"Thanks…"

*******

In the frontier town of Gotham, on Earth-18, the town's biggest outlaws had been apprehended by Bat-Lash. The likes of the Buzzard, Doc Enigma, Tumbleweed, the Pale Horseman, and Lady Sledgehammer had been all loaded into a holding cell at the local sheriff's office.

"Goddammit Horseman, damn you and that woman of yours…" mumbled Doc Enigma.

"Ha! What did I do?" the Pale Horseman laughed.

"Yeah, leave my darlin' Horsie out of it." Lady Sledgehammer put her arms around the Pale Horseman.

"Quiet woman, this is not the time." the Pale Horseman said.

"Say, do any of you fellas feel like something's missin'?" Tumbleweed asked.

"Ah yes, there was another woman here, wasn't there?" the Buzzard realized.

"There was that woman with Sledgehammer and the Horseman." Doc Enigma tapped his foot on the ground.

"Ah yes, the Red Harlot. Where is she?" the Pale Horseman looked around the cell.

"I think there're more important things to think about." Tumbleweed sat down on the one chair in the cell. "Like findin' out way outta here for a start."

*******

On Earth-29, or Htrae as the local population called it, Jokezarro and Bizarrley Quinn were on a walk down the crooked streets of Goth-Ham Sitty. Bizarrley clung on to her boyfriend's arm as tight as she good while Jokezarro idifferently strolled down the street, trying his best to ignore the woman attached to him.

"So Bizarrley, how are you feeling?" Jokezarro tried to shake Bizarrley off of him, an effort which his girlfriend ignored. "Remember, talk normally. Which to you means backwards I suppose."

"Oh… Uh… Me am feeling fantastic!" Bizarrley cheered, squeezing Joker's arm even harder. "We am together again thanks to funny backwards talking Bizarrley."

"Yes, yes, her. What an odd little woman." Jokezarro muttered.

"Jokezarro! Where am we going?"

"Home. And do me a favour."

"Anything!"

"Don't talk for the rest of the walk and I'll give you whatever you want tomorrow."

"Hooray!"

*******

High above the Earth-32 laboratory of one Pamela Crane, there was a bubble made entirely of green energy. Inside that bubble were the notorious criminal masterminds Poisoncrow and Harley Bane. They had been trapped there by the Bat Lantern a while ago while he focused on fighting the Cat Sapphire. Poisoncrow had decided to forgo any escape attempts but Harley Bane wasn't one to give up. She had been pounding her fists against the green bubble ever since she was first put in there.

"Harley, give it up." Poisoncrow lay back on the hard green floor.

"It's gonna break eventually!" Harley Bane cried out.

"It won't. This thing is manifested by Bat Lantern's pure willpower. As long as he still has a pulse, we're stuck here. Come on, give it a rest."

"Fine…" Harley Bane sighed and sat down next to Poisoncrow. "Hope Selina comes to get us out. What a night, eh?"

"Indeed." Poisoncrow nodded. "Not every day you meet a multiversal counterpart of yourself."

"Yeah… Wonder what she's up to right now?" Harley Bane nodded. She stopped talking for only a second before very abruptly starting up again. "Hey Pam, wanna snuggle?"

"Not the time or the place." Poisoncrow replied.

"Fair enough…"

*******

In the swamps of Louisiana, just outside Belle Reve prison on Earth-44, an unlikely duo trudged through the wilderness together. The robotic jester woman Harley Quinn and the part plant, part human, part machine who called herself Poison Ivy.

"Ivy, how long are we going to be in here? I'm worried my joints are gonna rust." Harley said. "It's wet and hot, and I hear there's some creepy swamp android around here. You know, Swamp Machine."

"Don't worry, I've got a plan. We're going to get out of the swamp and I'll make sure your circuits are in tiptop condition." Ivy grabbed Harley's metal hand.

"Hey Pam, what the hell happened to that other Harley?" asked Harley. "She just disappeared."

"I'm not too sure." Ivy admitted. "It was very interesting though. We live in a weird world I suppose."

"We should probably talk more once we get out of this place."

"Good idea, Harley. Good idea."

*******

Harley crawled under the sheets of the guest bed back in the familiar home of Earth-12. As she rolled around, trying to find the most comfortable sleeping position,

Ivy entered the room.

"Hey Harley, are you feeling okay?" asked Ivy.

"Uh huh." Harley nodded. "Just need some rest."

"Remember, I'm right down the hall if you need anything." Ivy turned around and started to leave the room.

"Wait, before you go I wanna say something!" Harley called out.

Ivy turned back around and went up to the bed again. "Do you want me to sleep next to you again?"

"No, that's not it. I just wanted to say thank you." Harley said. "For existing, I guess. When I was hallucinating, I just saw so many different versions of you, and Puddin', and Batsy… And I just want you to know I'm glad I'm stuck with these versions of you guys."

"That's very sweet of you, Harley." Ivy smiled. "Now get some rest. It's been a long day and you need to recover."

"Okay, Red. Goodnight." Harley reached over to her bedside lamp and turned it off. "Oh hey, think we can rob a bank for something tomorrow?"

"I'll think about it. Now have a good rest." Ivy turned around and closed the bedroom door behind her.

Now surrounded in complete darkness, Harley closed her eyes and turned over in bed. As she fell asleep, she couldn't help but think of the supposed hallucinations she'd had earlier that day. And even though Harley knew Ivy sounded right, part of her wished that everything that happened was real.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is over now and I'd have to say it was fun for me to write. There were a few times where I feel like I should have planned ahead more but mostly I had fun. I'm surprised this took me only a little under a month to write this whole thing. I was expecting it to take longer but here we are. I feel like the epilogue wrapped everything up rather nicely.


End file.
